Shutting off, tuning out

I have successfully managed to utterly fail at pretty much every Lenten observance I had decided upon. I felt so uninspired going into Lent, it is no wonder I am not fairing well with my goals. I am wondering now what God would have me do

Honestly, I am on Spiritual Auto Pilot once again, I fear. Going through the motions of my Bible Study and barely giving God a second thought beyond that.

Which brings me to my newest attempt at getting it right - I am going hard core with my fast from the computer & TV. NO more blogging, checking email, shopping online, etc until after Lent is over. I will get online to do my work - nothing more. Maybe, just maybe I will get bored enough to read the Bible or something crazy like that. We'll see.

Talk to you on Easter or thereabouts.

Erin

Uninspired Ramblings

I am marveling at how un-Lentish life feels to me so far this season... we have all been struggling with sickness - Vivi especially, and that has caused every single day to feel like a Sabbath day - which, maybe means it has actually been a lot more like Lent than I have realized! But in all this hanging around doing a lot of nothing I have only been more aware of my own state of restlessness. As much as I say I worship the god of Leisure, I think I am bored to easily for this to be all that true of me. Too much down time makes my brain totally shut down. So, here I sit, with nothing to say because we have done a whole lot of nothing lately...

Reflections on Ashes and Kids

The children and I attended an Ash Wednesday service yesterday at St. Mary's Catholic Church. It was lovely. I don't know what it is about Catholic mass, but it moves me to tears almost every time. Something in the beautiful reverence for our God that I fear is missing in most protestant environments, I guess. Anyway, the priest called us to a time of prayer, fasting and alms giving - the traditional 3-fold Lenten experience. Then we all got in line to receive the ashes. I was so moved. When the lay minister placed an ashen cross on the foreheads of my children and recited "Remember from dust you were formed and to dust you shall return," I just lost it.

My GOD! What a God we serve - Glory Be that we can say, with the utmost confidence that WE WILL NOT RETURN TO DUST but live eternally with our RISEN LORD. Glory HALLELUJAH! Oh my goodness, I am just busting with that truth. It was all I could do not to stand up and shout from the pew this profound truth.

Phew... I also got to thinking about how I could get the kids more on board with this Lent Thing, because they definitely did not get what that service was all about. SO - We are going to make a paper chain with 40 links and on each link will be something we give up for that day or do that day to help us prepare for Easter.

I'm off to Bible study now. I wish I had time just now to go into the AMAZING things God is showing me through this study of Esther. Maybe tomorrow. Until then -

Today's The Day!

Happy Ash Wednesday!
I think that might be an oxymoron, actually. Ash Wednesday is not really meant to be a day of rejoicing, but a day of mourning. We mourn our sinful natures and our evil ways. We grieve because we have grieved God. As ashes in the shape of the cross are bestowed upon the forehead, in many traditions the following words are spoken over the penitent:

Remember, O man, that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return. (Latin: Memento homo, quia pulvis es, et in pulverem reverteris.)

—Genesis 3:19

Turn away from sin and be faithful to the Gospel.

—Mark 1:15

Repent, and hear the good news.

—Mark 1:15

Today is to be a day of reflection upon the things we do which displease God. Not exactly uplifting. But 40 days from today is the awe-some moment when we realize our freedom from these actions/habits/sins and embrace the Risen Christ. I have goosebumps.

I believe in the value of spending this day in mourning. I believe in the value of spending 40 days renouncing these things. What a way to build up glorious anticipation for the resurrection!

The next forty days hold some exciting things for me:

• Blogging everyday again! I gave up Spiritual Reflection as soon as I gave up blogging... so lesson learned and I will be at it once again, but in a new way.
• Limiting sugar and electronic devices. - I am setting the stage for Holy Week, when my entire family will join me in this one - No TV for a week should probably be the end of Vivi.
• Practicing Intentional (not random) Acts of Kindness. - More on this later, but this is in an effort to displace the "Mean Girl" in me.
• Exercising 2x a week. Sounds ridiculous, only TWO times?! But if manage to faithfully do this, it will be by the grace of God.

In these practices I attempted to impact the four aspects of my life: Spiritual (blogging and kindness acts), Mental (ALL), Physical (diet and exercise), and Emotional (ALL) in an effort to recognize that ALL four of these areas of my life need to be cleansed and released from bad habits and the negative impact of sin. May the next forty days be a journey towards wholeness, but more importantly towards holiness.

One Week Warning!

Ash Wednesday is one week away. On most Christian calendars this marks the beginning of Lent. Wikipedia has a lot of information about the season of Lent and I include a small portion of that here:

There are traditionally forty days in Lent which are marked by fasting, both from foods and festivities, and by other acts of penance. The three traditional practices to be taken up with renewed vigour during Lent are prayer (justice towards God), fasting (justice towards self), and almsgiving (justice towards neighbour). Today, some people give up a vice of theirs, add something that will bring them closer to God, and often give the time or money spent doing that to charitable purposes or organizations.

I really like the 3-level approach to Lent offered here. I will be prayerfully considering what my specific practices will be and wanted to encourage anyone to join me in a great historical tradition of celebrating Lent this year in this manor. Please consider sharing your 3 practices with me via this blog so we can all benefit from each other's ideas and encourage one another in the next 47+ days!

As soon as I have nailed down my choices for my Lent observance, I will share them with you all!

40*

“For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love.” (Psalm 33:4-5)

What a great statement to end my 40 Days of Blogging! Seems the perfect sorta verse to commit to memory for those times when I lose hope. God is so faithful - in all he does. Which is so flipping impressive when you think about it. It took a small miracle for me to remain faithful to my commitment to blog for 40 days straight. There were days when I did it out of a sense of obligation, there were times when I avoided it until the last minute, when I didn't feel like doing it, when I struggled to have anything to say. Yet I remained faithful, to a degree.

But with God, there are no degrees of his faithfulness. He is Completely Faithful. All the Time. Which means, he never "doesn't feel like it," or performs out of obligation or a sense of duty or looks at anything with a sense of drudgery or dullness. Hah! God is never bored! God never just goes through the motions. His heart is always in what he does, as evidenced by a world that is full of his unfailing love.

What an amazing quality of God. It inspires awe in me. Sometimes, I imagine him having a bit of that "oh brother, here we go again" attitude about me, but he simply doesn't. His faithfulness to me and my relationship with Him is never ending and never forced upon himself. He willingly has infinite patience, infinite grace, and infinite mercy - loving me without attitude. Gosh. Sorta makes me feel sorry for the days when I struggled to spend time reflecting on His word. Sorta humbles me a bit. Sorta makes me feel I owe Him and apology.

Not sure what I will do from here, now that my 40 days are up - but I am certain I will be posting far more frequently than I used to from here on out! Perhaps not every day, mind you, but often. It will be interesting to see how my attitude changes in response to my daily Verse of the Day Emails. Gosh, I hope it does. Time will tell, I guess...time will tell.

* Yes I do intentionally refer to U2's song here, on Day 40...
I waited patiently for the Lord. He inclined and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit, out of the miry clay.

I will sing, sing a new song. I will sing, sing a new song.

How long to sing this song? How long to sing this song? How long...how long...how long...how long...to sing this song

He set my feet upon a rock and made my footsteps firm. Many will see, many will see and fear.

I will sing, sing a new song. I will sing, sing a new song.

How long to sing this song? How long to sing this song? How long...how long...how long...how long...to sing this song

The Power of God's Strength in Me

“ I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” (Psalm 18:1-2)

I am abandoning my assignment for today, or maybe perhaps showing an example of how the Lord has been my strength this week (although I think that interpretation might be a stretch in this story).

The other night, as Bo and I were doing our nighttime routine, he refused to say his bedtime prayers. He does this on occasion and normally I don't make a big deal out of it, I just say them for him - but this time he was a bit ornery about it, so I mildly scolded him and proceeded to pray anyway. Afterward, Bo looked at me incredulously.

"You know why I don't pray?" He smirked.
"No, why?"
"Because I don't believe in God." He scoffed. I cringed. With everything I could muster I avoided an emotionally-laden response and just nodded a "hmm."
"Wanna know why I don't believe in him?" He prompted.
"Sure."

"Because I keep asking and asking and asking him for another baby sister and I don't have one, so I don't believe in Him."

Thwump. That's the sound of a fist hitting my gut as those words met my ears. I paused, and my spirit must have communed with God's Spirit in those split seconds because I am pretty sure that is the only explanation as to why I didn't burst into sobs. Instead, I smiled gently.

"Bohdan, just because God's answer is sometimes 'No' doesn't mean He doesn't exist. Sometimes, the answer to our prayer is simply 'No.' Does Mommy sometimes say no to you when you ask me for stuff." He nodded. "Well, I'm still here, aren't I? I exist, don't I?" I asked.

"Nope. You don't exist either." Bo replied, with that adorable impish grin of his. We laughed and said goodnight.

I guess my point of sharing this is to remind myself that even when God is seemingly the source of attack (provoking a need for the things mentioned in this Psalm), He is still the one who will give us the strength to get through it. He is still the source of protection, which seems to contrary to our logical minds. But as God says no to me about my heart's desire and in turn reveals the heart of my own son, who shares my wish, God gives me the strength to get through it. Not only that, He teaches and guides me through it. Our God is truly magnificent.

Why I Sing

“But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.” (Psalm 59:16)

This is Why I Love to Sing

Focus shifts from me to them to us to You
I close my eyes so as to open more my ears
The locks unfasten on the doors to my heart

I hear more in our numbers as joined by the unseen
Harmonies of heaven and earth intertwined

I'm set free from this shell and swept up to You
You sit where You should and invite me to come
Surrounded, I dance for You.

There is beauty I refuse to admit, grace my eyes don't typically see
As I dance and sing before my King

And You... You do the unthinkable. You rejoice in my display of Love for You.
And This, This is Why I Sing.

Seeing into the Future

“However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"—” (1 Corinthians 2:9)

Why do you suppose the verse of the day was taken from Corinthians instead of Isaiah, where we find this quote originally? I figured there must be a reason, so I looked into the context of 1 Corinthians. Why did they need to be reminded of what it said back in Isaiah?

Apparently there were some questions amongst the Corinthians regarding true wisdom. It sounds to me like there might have been some inadequacy issues among the believers regarding sharing the truth of Jesus within their communities. They seemed to believe, based on the encouragement of Paul's words in Ch. 2 that they lacked the wisdom needed to successfully evangelize or disciple new believers.

So Paul goes into this really encouraging speech about wisdom - how he totally lacks it and how weak he himself is and how he can do nothing without God's Spirit. Therefore, it has nothing to do with the ability of the vessel, but everything to do with what you put in it.

Then he goes into talking about how they need to redefine wisdom. That the wisdom we gain as believers is not the wisdom of this world, but a wisdom which actually involves the very same Spirit which lives in God. Thus, we can know the things of God in the same way our own spirits know the things of ourselves, because the Spirit knows God with the same intimacy our own spirits know ourselves.

Therefore, while "no eye has seen, no ear has heard, [and] no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him," with the Spirit in us, God can reveal these things to us.

Woah. Is that saying what I think it is saying? I think it can be taken one (or both) of two ways. Either we can be shown by the Spirit our earthly future - what God has prepared for us in this life, His plan for our hope and our future; or we can be shown our heavenly future - having knowledge of what God prepares in heaven for us.

Either way, that's pretty cool and hard to imagine. I am tempted to lean toward the first option, simply because it makes sense to me that, in being filled with the Spirit, we would have wisdom to know the path our lives should take. Considering this is one of my hang-ups, I may be gravitating to it for that reason, too.

See, every big decision I make (my mom can so attest to this) I AGONIZE over whether it is "God's will and plan for my life." I end up all in a tizzy wishing God would send me a telegram or something REALLY obvious so I would have confidence I was walking the path He has laid out for me, not veering to the left or to the right. I look forward to the day when God grants me, through my humble submission to Him and the abundant indwelling of His Spirit, the kind of confidence and wisdom this verse suggests. With a glance at my post-it attached to my computer screen, I pray, "Lord, fill me with your Spirit and give me wisdom for this day. Amen."

I Love Him, I Love Him Not

“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” (Deuteronomy 6:4-5)

Isn't it maddening that something that sounds so simple is so flipping hard to do??!!! That was my response to reading this verse today. When I think about loving something or someone with all my heart, soul and strength I think about how much I would want to spend time with that person or doing that thing. I think about how they would consume my every waking thought and my dreams at night. I think about how I would do anything, sacrifice anything for that person or that thing.

And yet, here I sit, still struggling to remember to pray. Struggling to make reading God's word a priority. Struggling to seek Him and His kingdom first. Struggling to find ways to daily surrender to His will for my life. Struggling to know His heart for me. Struggling. Struggling. Struggling.

I don't want to believe this all means I don't love God. But my actions sure speak louder than my words. Sometimes I wonder what it will take for me to develop that insatiable passion for Jesus that I see in others (a rare few, mind you). And I get scared. The people I know who love Jesus with an utter abandon that I honestly find intimidating if not plain out there are people who have been to hell and back. Is it possible to love God with all our heart, mind and soul without the trip through the ringer? Is it possible to achieve a mature faith without the trials and suffering? I don't honestly know.

I say I want to love God, mind, soul and body, but at what cost am I willing to really pursue that? Am I wrong to think there is a cost? I don't think so - historically loving God like that hasn't bode well for folks. Think of the disciples, Joan of Arc, the Chinese Christians, Jim Eliot and his team, Christians in Muslim nations.... It isn't exactly a hall of fame I want my name listed in. Does that make me shallow? Does that make me less of a Christian?

If nothing else, it makes me an honest one to admit that, I guess. Luckily for me, God is in the business of making new hearts and I am a willing vessel in that regard. As He changes my heart, I hope it will result in my caring less and less about the things which keep me from a heart, soul & strength love for the Lord. For now, I hope He will accept my humble adaptation from one of my favorite prayers in Scripture:

I love you, Lord. Help my lack of love for you.

Tipping the Scales

“You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you.” (Psalm 86:5)

At first glance, this verse sounds so beautiful and wonderful and lovely. Because at first, I apply it to myself. But then I start thinking about the people who have committed atrocities beyond my wildest imagination and yet who have come to call to God and I struggle with the truth of this verse. For, just as He forgave my sins, He forgives theirs as well. I have such a strong desire for justice over mercy. I know people who prefer mercy over justice - they are such beautiful, gentle, loving and kind people. But I totally know that is not me. I want justice. I want God to have his vengeance. I want people to know the fear of the Lord. Especially people who have done heinous acts against the innocent. And yet I know my God, when asked, forgives liberally - for there are no degrees of sin in His eyes. How can that be?!

I am realizing over and over how much I need to see my sin as equal to that of the worst criminal on record. That is such a hard thing for this justice-seeker to do. But God, in his unfathomable love for me and his infinite sense of humor has been showing me, little by little, just what a deprived being I am. I am wretched. Oh what gracious love is this, that God would die for me! That he would forgive my wrongdoings - my daily acts of insult and injustices against His glory! How sweet the taste of mercy over that of bitter man-made justice.

I don't have to understand how God balances mercy and justice so perfectly. It will take more than my lifetime to comprehend the depths of either of these attributes of God. Knowing this, I have a choice to make. I can consistently focus on the justice - which historically for me results in my frustration and doubt of God's character - or I can turn to His mercy - which will carry me to the heights of His love for me and will amaze me with splendor like I have never seen.

So, why the preference for justice? In this light is seems really dumb. I think I need to get over that one!

Same But Different... No, Different But Different

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2)

Living as becomes you] with complete lowliness of mind (humility) and meekness (unselfishness, gentleness, mildness), with patience, bearing with one another and making allowances because you love one another. (Amplified)

In light of all this, here's what I want you to do. While I'm locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel. I don't want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don't want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences. (The Message 4:1-3)

I love what can happen when you see multiple translations side by side like this. "Humble" takes on "lowliness of mind" and "making allowances" gets added to what it means to "bear one another." Such richness!

These comparisons also give me the opportunity to consider the differences in meanings and wrestle with each possibility. I don't know that I agree with The Message's take - how does "humility and gentleness" result in a steady pouring out of oneself? And how is being "alert at noticing our differences" a good thing that results in "bearing one another in love?" Hmm.. I don't know. I guess I can see the humility leading to being more steady in our walk... It probably is more often than not a matter of my pride which keeps me from the road God has called me to travel. So, okay, I will buy that one. But since when does pointing out differences result in greater love for one another? That certainly doesn't seem to be the case as I look around at different denominations and sanctions of the Church. We don't seem to appreciate differences we find in one another. To me, it seems we (myself included) judge differences and don't like them very much. Perhaps that's why the humility and gentleness come FIRST in the list? Certianly, if we are humble, we gain the ability to see our differences as interesting instead of divisive.

And, let's not loose sight of what the Amplified says - we do all this out of love for one another. "Eye, there's the rub." Why doesn't the Church love it's members? Why do we fail so miserably at this? It enrages me. We have lost such a huge part of our witness when we are turned inward dealing with our own "disputes." And lately, I have realized just how much I participate in this. We simply have to stop. But, again, I am brought back to trying to figure out how to do this while also "noting our differences." Because my assumption is the way to create unity in the body is to focus on the areas of agreement. The areas of sameness. And apparently, we are supposed to be alert to our differences and not let them get to us. Whew! That is a toughy, at least for me! I guess that's where the power of the Holy Spirit comes in!

This is one I will have to meditate on and work out with fear and trembling for quite some time...

Child-like, Not Childish

“Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.” He took a little child and had him stand among them. Taking him in his arms, he said to them, "Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me." (Mark 9:35-37)

It's probably because I really need a nap, but the first thing that struck me in this verse was "sitting down." Why do you suppose the author thought it important enough to include this? Would Jesus' statements following made any difference had he remained standing? Or maybe it is simply to show that he was tired. He had just spent a long day dealing with people, and we know how exhausting that can be. Then he tried to clue his best friends in on what was troubling him - his death was approaching and he knew it, and they totally didn't get it. Instead, they argued amongst themselves about which one of them was his favorite. So, when they finally got to where they were staying that night, I wonder if Jesus was a little bit fed up. He tried to get them to admit to what they argued about, but no one would. And can you blame them? Who would admit to being so juvenile as to fight about such a thing? "I'm better." "No, I am." "He likes me more." "Does not." "Does too." "Nu-uh." "Ya-huh." The disciples had to have felt like such fools at that moment.

So what does Jesus do? He tells them about the importance of serving each other and then he sees a child and tells the 12 they need to welcome a child.

What? Isn't that what they were just feeling stupid about? They were acting like spoiled children on the road, then they felt bad about that, then Jesus tells them to act like children? I wonder how confused they were!

To the 12, within 2 short statements he informs them that he knew EXACTLY what they were fighting about, and that, even though they feel stupid now for acting so childish, they are on the right track - they just need to take that idea even further. "Yes!" Jesus says. "Act like children. But not in a jealous, self-seeking way. Be like the child in your pursuit of me - have an innocent, full-bodied pursuit of holiness."

I know there are a lot of other ways to take these verses, but today, this view appeals to me. Perhaps because I can identify with the 12 who fought about which one of them was better and I can identify with the moment of Holy confrontation, when I feel foolish and like a child. I appreciate the message God has for me in this - "yes, be like a child, Erin, but not in this way. Be like a child in how you love me." Then I see images of my children squealing and running to the door when I get home after a short absence, or the joy they express at time spent with me, or the quiet, tender moments of snuggling, wrapped up together on the couch. Oh, yes, Father... let me love you like that.

I Don't Get It

“God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.” (John 4:24)

I did some poking around and was really discouraged by the process. I wanted to find something that shed light on what it means to worship in spirit and truth. I didn't find anything. I found some stuff that talked about "God is spirit" was a way to refer to the Triune nature of God, but nothing to elaborate on, what to me is the more important part of the verse, which is how we are supposed to worship Him.

I just wanted to avoid my post being about Christian cliches by saying things about how we are to transcend our own sinful natures and worship should come from a place of purity and how if we truly want to be worshipers we cannot do this apart from the truth - the Word, but I don't really trust this take on this verse. Mainly because I don't think the text supports this interpretation. If John had meant truth as it refers to the Word of God, I think it would have been stated "the Truth."

So, for now, I am stuck wondering what this verse really means and am still sick enough to not have the mental capacity for figuring it out.

I'm Taking a Sick Day

“God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.” (John 4:24)

So I am still totally sick and all I want to do is go to bed. I have been mulling this verse over in my mind today and I really want to do a word study on "spirit" and "truth" but I honestly don't have it in me tonight.

Pray this cold goes away so I can do my posts and the umpteen gagillion other activities needing to be done around here. God Bless!

Time to Get in the Game

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” (Ephesians 6:12-13)

I am sick - came down with a cold yesterday and didn't get around to doing my post. I knew this was the verse for the day yesterday and I think it is ironic. Perhaps I am under attack? I really wanted to rally and post anyway, but needed to go to bed desperately, so I succumbed to the battle.

What I did get to do yesterday, however, is mull this verse over for quite a bit of the day - FINALLY - I am experiencing the reason why I chose to do this experiment. I actually "meditated" on the Word for the day, as opposed to rushing through the contemplative process!

Here's what occurred to me:

We (okay, I) fail miserably at fully comprehending and applying the truth of this verse. EVERY TIME I am annoyed, upset, hurt, angry, frustrated by the actions of someone else I need to recognize that ULTIMATELY they are not the enemy. Satan is. Sin is. How would this change my approach to handling situations?

First of all, I believe it would drive me to my knees in prayer way more often.

Secondly, I believe my whole struggle to love others would resolve on its own - whenever I consider that someone is under spiritual attack, my knee jerk response isn't criticism, judgment, sarcasm or annoyance - it is compassion and love. And a longing to see them set free.

Thirdly, I would be decked out in my armor more often and more intentionally. (Let's hope the armor of God is another verse that gets tossed my way in the next ten days so I can reflect more on that later, as that's an entry all in itself.)

And Lastly - If this was my response to the conflict (everything from issues with my family members to frustrations about our government) I would find myself in the heat of the battle, right on the front lines, which is where I believe the miraculous takes place and God reveals His Supreme Glory. I have lamented at times that I don't witness the supernatural wonders Jesus promises us (John 14:12). Perhaps I am not exposed to them because I don't actively participate in bringing them about.

Love My Enemies (and family and friends, too)

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” (James 4:10)

Let me get this straight. If I consider myself lowly, a servant of others, put others' needs before my own, and let go of my pride then God will make me important and above others? I cannot possibly have that right because if I did, the humility would be a false humility so as to acquire the new status, right? That cracks me up. It's like saying, "if you make sure you really, really don't want X (i.e. a baby), then God will give you one." In order to get what you want, you need to not want it. That just seems silly. I must have it wrong. Lemme see what the commentary has to say.

Mmm... interesting. The IVP commentary made reference to humility in regards to when others treat you poorly. The point they made was that when we refuse to retaliate and refuse to allow anger and hatred toward people who quite frankly deserve it based upon their unjust treatment of us (or someone we love, or a cause we are passionate about) then God will lift us up by His grace to a place where we can love these very same people. We find ourselves in a place where it is possible to "love our enemies."

While this makes a lot more sense, it certainly doesn't seem any easier. Especially when, for me, my need for humility has a lot more to do with my treatment of people I do love, let alone people I hate! I guess my standards are a little lower than James'. I would feel victorious if I could refrain from the biting sarcasm with which I reply to most of David's utterances, or the complaining I do in my head about my close friends when they fail to function exactly like me. If I master these aspects of my pride and self-centeredness, maybe I will be ready to deal with the really nasty people in my life. Maybe... just maybe...

Stuff to Think About

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8)

What I know is True:
God loves me. The Gospel. God's word. David was chosen by God to be my husband. My children are a gift from the Lord. God has a plan for my life - for such a time as this. The Church is the Family of God, the body enlisted to do His works on earth.

What I know to be Noble:
My husband's love for me and my family. The mountains. An empty, candlelit sanctuary at night. Defending those weaker than yourself from oppression.

What I know to be Right:
Caring for my family. Prayer. Protecting babies, widows and orphans.

What I know to be Pure:
Love. The prayers of my children and the things they teach me about God.

What I know to be Lovely:
God's creation unmarred by mankind, dancing in worship, a baptism, fresh fallen snow, the colors of spring, the sound of the waves and the warmth of the sun.

What I know to be Admirable:
Fighting for freedom, knowing the word of God by heart, a gentle spirit, being organized, possessing and exhibiting the fruits of the Spirit.

What I know to be Excellent:
High-quality chocolate in the company of friends, the friendships I have, the family God placed me in, God's provision, God's protection, music inspired by God.

What I know to be Praiseworthy:
The Lord God Almighty and Jesus His Son. For who He is, for what He's done and what He promises to do.

We've Got a Long Way to Go

“ Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.” (Galatians 6:1)

I have little to say about this verse mainly because I have never witnessed this done correctly in a body of believers. I have seen those caught in sin gently dismissed, but never restored.

I could go into a whole lot of ugly details here about fallen leaders and churches who either led them right into the fall or hid their eyes in the midst of it. But what good would come of that? The reality is, for whatever reason, true biblical accountability and reconciliation seem to be in massive short order. I wish I knew why.

Perhaps it is the stubborn Yankee American independent personality. Perhaps it is for fear of rejection or making things messy. Perhaps it is because we are all so consumed with our own sin we don't consider ourselves "spiritual" enough to hold others accountable. I don't know.

I believe this may be one of the number one reasons we do not see further advancement of God's kingdom in New England. I think as a culture and as a church we are too afraid of offending people and too afraid to speak the truth. I also think part of the reason we fear these things is the know-how we are missing regarding confronting others in love. God knows I'm no good at that. I can think of some people I know who aren't very good at it either. Where does one go for training? Ahhhh... I know the answer is Jesus, but it sounds like a psychologist to me... (that's a a poor reference to a good joke). I would say let's look at how Jesus confronted people, but his example is a tough act to follow. He was pretty bold, and certainly didn't concern himself with being politically correct or using the acceptable labels (or non-labels). He just came out with it. "That's not your husband, but you have had many of them," for example. The KEY difference? I think each and every person who encountered Jesus first FELT and KNEW they were loved and accepted, no matter what. Sure is a lot easy to take criticism under that premise.

Considering my post from a few days back regading how much I don't really like people, I guess I have a long way to go before I can approach anyone with an attitude of "gentle restoration." May God have mercy on me, a sinner.

Make it a Wise Day

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”- James 1:5

I wondered what sort of "wisdom" this verse was referring to and looked it up. In Greek it is sophia and here are a few of the possible definitions:

1. skill in the management of affairs
2. devout and proper prudence in intercourse with men not disciples of Christ, skill and discretion in imparting Christian truth
3. the knowledge and practice of the requisites for godly and upright living
4. supreme intelligence, such as belongs to God

Let's just say I would be happy with #1, let alone any of the others! So, today, I am going to take down my post-it that says "Lord, fill me with your Spirit," and replace it with "Lord, fill me with your Spirit and give me wisdom for this day."

Once again I am faced with my overwhelming tendency to go it alone each day. Sure, I check in with God here and there, but for the most part, I am on autopilot with the dial set to "My Way or the Highway," or "The Way I've Always Done It." No wonder I often feel like I have accomplished nothing but a headache from banging my head against the wall by the end of the day. Duh!

As much as I hate to admit it, a couple of my dear friends are right. They have been drilling it into my head (I don't think on purpose, which is kind of ironic) the importance of Intentionality. We cannot function with wisdom, or with the Spirit, or with the Lord on the throne of our lives if we do not first seek wisdom, seek the Spirit, and seek the Lord. I really long to live as Christ's ambassador and a true princess of the Almighty King. But to do so I need to live in a different state of Spiritual awareness. Life isn't about the daily grind or making it through the next 24 hours. Instead, life is about taking purposeful, directed steps closer to God. Wisdom will definitely come in handy for that! And if the laundry fails to get done as a result... oh well!

I Want It Now...please, Sir?

7 Keep on asking and it will be given you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking [reverently] and [the door] will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who keeps on asking receives; and he who keeps on seeking finds; and to him who keeps on knocking, [the door] will be opened. - Matthew 7:7-8

This is from the Amplified Bible, I know it is a little wordy, but I loved the additional insights it provided to this too-well-known, often-misused verse.

Take for instance, "Keep on asking..." How often do I ask for something and expect IMMEDIATE results? I am so a product of the "I want it, and I want it NOW" culture we live in! But here, Scriptures clearly indicate that God doesn't work that way (like we needed to be told that, right?!). We have to ask more than once. Like the widow with the judge.

Do you wonder why God makes us do that? It certainly isn't for His sake. In the process of the repeated asking we are given an opportunity to evaluate what we are asking for. For example, in my own life, I have asked and asked and asked and asked for babies... a truck load of them. God has blessed me twice with a "yes" answer, which to my dismay, has only fueled my desire for more of them. But lately what I am finding is a shift in my asking. I don't ask for a baby anymore, not in the same way. God has opened my field of vision to include other possibilities for the purposes He has for me. As we are forced to ask and ask and ask...what we long for changes. In the process of having to wait on the Lord, he transforms us more and more into the image of his Son. Slowly, painfully at times, I have become aware of that change in my heart. The new request becomes not "give me this, I want that, solve this, fix that." The new request becomes simply, "Not my will, Lord, but Thy will be done."

The other thing that strikes me is that there is a particular way we are to do the asking. We are to "reverently knock." I have to laugh here, because this has NOT been my approach to the Throne of God in the past. I have stomped my feet, crossed my arms, cried, screamed, pouted - you name it, all in an attempt to get God to give me what I want. I have even tried the, "if you really loved me, you would..." Isn't that hilarious in a pathetic sorta way?

Now before I get the wrong idea, switching tactics to "reverent knocking" doesn't mean I will get what I want. That attitude misses out on the reverent part. Merriam-Websters says this about reverence: It is profound adoring and awed respect.

This really challenges my ideas of approaching God as a buddy who I can say anything and everything to. While I am not arguing against doing that, sometimes I think we get a little too familiar with the Creator of All Things. It's just like when Bo approaches me with that tone or a phrase that sounds disrespectful. "Woah," I say to him. "Save that talk for when you are with your friends. That's not how you talk to your mother." And even though I want Bo to know and feel he can trust me and come to me with anything, there is a right and a wrong way to do so. In our "Jesus is my best friend culture" I believe we have lost some of the reverence for the Lord. At least, I know I have. Time to get myself to a cathedral or the ocean during a storm. Time to humble myself and start reverently knocking, seeking the Giver of Life and His will for mine.

A National Harvest

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that naturewill reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” (Galatians 6:7-8)

I believe it was John Piper, who recently was commenting on our nation and some Christians' concerns about the ramifications of national policies regarding abortion, gay marriage, banning prayer in schools, etc... I loved what he had to say. Basically, he was suggesting that the ramifications are the acts themselves. The consequence of legislation allowing for these things is that they happen. In other words, we sow an environment where children can be murdered, families can be broken and schools can be Godless therefore we reap children being murdered, families breaking apart and Godless schools. Piper said we should stop looking for the "punishment" of God - we were already living it.

I think this is so true. I think we tend to expect God to unleash his rage upon our nation for the bad choices we are making in some sort of dramatic way - but what can be more dramatic than what I wrote above? I think expecting something more only reveals the desensitization we've gone through to think that something more severe is necessary.

Yesterday, when I found myself and the larger Christian community holding our breath, waiting to see what atrocities will befall us over the next four years (and quite possibly 8) I was struck with how wrong that approach is. Scott from Air1 radio was talking about the book of Daniel. He was pointing out that King Darius and King Nebe-K (hopefully you know who I mean as I am not looking up how to spell that) were HORRIBLE. Akin to Hitler, horrible. And yet, Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abenny didn't have secret meetings where they freaked out about the state of the Jewish people (which was WAY worse than ours, by the way) and where they shook their head in disbelief at the culture around them. NO. They had Out In the Open Prayer Meetings where they humbily lifted up their nation and its leaders.

Let's wonder for a minute what would have happened if, instead, they had reaped fear, anxiety, and frustration. What would have happened? What actually happened? God unleashed miracle after miracle which resulted in BOTH kings turning their hearts to God and nationally declaring the Lord was the One True God to a polythiestic pagan culture.

We have a choice right now. We can either continue sowing negative rhetoric, where we are sarcastic, critical, judgemental and doubtful or we can get on our knees before The Commander in Cheif, The King of All Kings, The One who TRULY holds the Highest Office in our Land and PRAY.

My heart is breaking for the Obama family right now. They are such a target for so much hate. Those beautiful girls. PRAY. That marriage. PRAY. Michelle Obama's mother will be living WITH THEM in the White House. PRAY. The intense amount of pressure and stress they, but especially Barack will be under every day. PRAY.

We can reap a harvest of protection, love, guidance, humility, respect, and peace... but it will depend on what we sow. The condition of this nation is not about their political policies. It's about our prayer.

Spiritual Vasovagal Syndrome

“ Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” (James 1:2-3)

Ummm... ooookaaaaay.... You know how God will focus on a certain theme in your life for awhile where the same message keeps popping up all over the place? At least, this is what God does to me - I think he needs to get really repetitive in order for messages to sink in. I have a lot of, "Oh! Was that You, God? Were you talking to me?" moments.

So, lately, the running theme has been in regards to facing trials and being tested. There's been a lot about what you need to do to prepare and how God is there and will get your through it, etc, etc. and I can't help but want to send out an APB to everyone I know saying "PRAY FOR ME! SOMETHING'S COMING!!!!"

And I keep having to remind myself that God is Good, He is powerful, He loves me and I don't need to freak out.

I also have to convince myself that perseverence is a good thing and I would benefit from having some more of that in my life. But I approach this verse the same way I approach a blood draw. I get the lab slip. It sits on my desk. It sits. It sits. It sits. I run out of my medication which cannot be refilled until I get the results BACK from the blood draw. The lab slip sits on my desk another week. I start to feel yucky because I haven't taken my thyroid medication in over a week. With great fear and trepidation I take the slip to the lab. I sit. I pray. I quake. They call my name. They begin to lead me to "The Chair." I choke out the words, "I'm a pass-out risk," my palms already sweaty. They quickly redirect me to "The Bed." "What helps?" they ask. "Distraction. Keep talking." "OK." and then the wonderful nurse chatters away, asks questions, makes jokes. At some point in the midst of that I feel the familiar, uncomfortable pinch. I tense up and then try to remind myself to relax...reeeelaaaaax... then, it's over. And I have made it. And I get some juice.

That is PRECISELY how I approach this verse and the "testing of my faith." Hoo-boy, palms are sweaty already... yep...pray for me.

Accountability Anyone?

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12)

So, if Jesus came to fulfill the Law, does that mean we don't have to do this? Just kidding.

I wish time had a pause button. If it did, then just before I was about to treat someone in a way other than how I want to be treated, I could push Pause and evaluate the situation for a moment to come up with a more appropriate action. Then release the Pause and do the right thing. In my own experience, most of the time when I am way off base in my actions, it is spur-of-the-moment, spontaneous, knee-jerk reaction to whatever. Rarely do I pre-meditate and then chose the wrong path when given the opportunity to process first. But, rarely do I get the opportunity to think through things before responding or acting and inevitably end up treating people poorly. Typically those "people" are the ones closest to me whom I love the most.

It's times like these when I realize the depravity of my own heart and how much I need Jesus.

Another take on this verse, though I have no idea if it is intended or not, is this: Being really honest with others, especially in the area of accountability. When I think about how I want to be treated, one component I wish for is loving, respectful accountability and honesty. I want to know when my actions don't reflect Jesus. I want to know where others see God at work in my life. But I don't necessarily treat others this way. Hmm... why not? I guess because a.) I don't have confidence in my ability to come across as loving and respectful. and b.) because I don't know if it works to offer this relational dynamic without being given permission. Our culture doesn't seem very open to this type of interaction.

Maybe the order of those observations is the key - maybe it is by being someone who is loving and respectful of others, you find yourself in relationships where the accountability dynamic occurs more naturally and evolves from the place of trust. Trust which has been groomed by the love and respect. (This certainly hold true for the very few relationships I have that sort of have this.)

Which certainly explains why I don't see this dynamic in many of my relationships. May God cause my heart and my actions to overflow with love for others, that I may live according to this verse and see depth and strength of relationships where accountibility is a welcome, natural byproduct of love and respect for one another. He and I sure have some work to do!

Warrior Humility

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)

The Amplified Bible explains that "no temptation or trial has come to you that is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience, and such as man can bear."

In Beth Moore's introductory session for her study of Esther she shares a fear she held for a long time regarding experiencing "the dark night of the soul." She shares that she told God she could never live through that kind of trial. So, what did God do? Silenced himself so she would experience that which she so greatly feared. Why did he do that? So she would see that she could live through the perceived absence of God in her life and it would not destroy her.

The message I get from this verse above and Beth's testamony is a relatively simple one. If I do not hold tight to the truth of God's word regarding temptation and trials, and I allow myself to be afraid of experiencing them, God just might decide to get me over that fear the hard way, by proving me wrong.

Fearing something bad happening is telling God that His word, His grace, His mercy, His love, His protection, do not apply to me. How arrogant of me! It is so self-centered and prideful. "Oh, I know someone who has dealt with X (adultery, death of a child, cancer, etc) and survived, but I couldn't. I know I couldn't." - This initally sounds like humility or "low self esteem" or even lack of faith on my part. But if I really unpackage what I am saying, it is a form of boasting. "I'm a bigger mess than you are, so God would't be able to help me."

How funny in a sick sorta way. But it is true. We often hear about humility in the context of power struggles, appropriate placement of priorities and servitude. Humbling ourselves before the Lord means being willing to apply ALL the verses of Scripture to our lives. Sometimes, this is going to mean more than laying down our lives for another, or going where the Lord will lead. At times, at least in my own life, humility is going to look an awful lot like warrior-strength, fearlessness and confidence.

God is bigger than my biggest fears. I better humbly admit that, or He just might prove it. And if my biggest fears come about even after I have embraced the truth of this verse, the rest of the verse becomes all the more important - God will not give me more than I can bear.

You can blame me, but not for long, I hope!

“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.” (Philippians 2:14-16)

How do I type out the scoffing sound you make when you blow air between your lips - "Ppbbltt" or something like that. Be sure to envision the eyes rolling, too. Pretty much, I am all kinds of full of blame if lack of complaining and arguing is what it takes to be blameless. I'm a mess. Poor Paul (I think he wrote the words above) will take one look at me and think..."For Pete's sake (why isn't it For Paul's sake), I labored for nothing. Look at her. What a mess." Of course, if Paul actually did say that, he would be complaining, so he'd have to join me in the Messy Camp.

That's pretty funny, when I think about it. Am I actually complaining about the fact that I complain? I think I am. What a hoot.

Where did I just hear something to the effect of: when we complain about our circumstances we are committing the sin of pride. We are in essence saying to God, "you don't know what you are doing. What you are doing is wrong." For all I know it was something said on a comment on this blog - but this is the thought that came into my head when I read through this verse. To be argumentative is in essence to reveal my need to be right. Which, reveals my pride (unless of course I really am right, in which case it just reveals my sense of justice!). I have much to learn about this. I love arguing. I love complaining. I love discontentment. (David is going to be so shocked that I have openly admitted this after 12 years!) It isn't that I am only happy when I am miserable or a martyr or a victim - it is that I see arguing, complaining and discontentment as the ways to ensure improvement and betterment and change.

I feel like what God needs to do (there I go, telling Him what I think needs to be done around here again!) is help me find a way to those buzzwords (improvement, betterment, change) via a different path. Like seeking betterment out of love for God or realizing that contentment doesn't lead to stagnation.

I can want more of God, I can desire a stronger and deeper faith without complaining about what I have currently. I can move forward on my spiritual journey without arguing with God about how to get to our destination.

Ultimately, these issues of complaining and arguing with me are about [gulp] submission. To submit to the will of God and the path he chooses for me, not necessarily without question but certainly without any attitude.

Hmph. I think I am back to my need to be filled with the Spirit every day, every second of the day. Lord.... I sure do need you. So glad you don't expect us to do this stuff single-handed.

Half Way to A New Heart

“ So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” (Galatians 5:16)

This is such great confirmation to me! All the stuff I have been thinking on lately about how our walk is about simply daily seeing to be filled with the Spirit. I feel like God is saying, "Yes, Erin! You are getting it! Keep going! Keep going!" Just exactly the perfect message for me today, at my HALF-WAY mark! Woo-hoo! This has NOT been easy for me. But God is honoring my obedience in ways that are changing me... dare I say, He is putting a love for His Word in my heart like I have never had before. A miracle. Truly, a miracle.

Last night, some extraordinary women gathered together to begin a study of the Book of Esther. As we gathered, we had a time of quiet reflection. God guided me to some great verses, speaking to me about where I am at with Him and with my life's purpose.

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations...Do not say, 'I am only a _____ (the word says 'child' but I would argue we could insert whatever - 'woman,' 'housewife,' 'high-school graduate' etc) You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you... Now, I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appointed you over the nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant." Jeremiah 1:5-10

I went to the potter's house and saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands, so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.
Then the word of the Lord came to me, "O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the Lord. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand." Jeremiah 18:3-6

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity." Jeremiah 29:11-14

How exciting. God is so great! Who knew I would ever be so jazzed about His Word!?!

Praise God!

Subscribe Feature Added

Some folks have asked me to add the ability to subscribe to this blog. I have added it to the left. Thanks for the interest. Wish I could provide more information on what subscribing is or does, for those of you are wondering... sorry, but I don't know! :)
-e

Knowing, I'm on the way to Freedom

“ To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32)

Something struck me with this "too-familiar" saying when I read it this morning. We tend to define "truth" so limitedly. We think we need to know the facts about God, about His Word, about Christian living. But, do you think when Jesus says, 'you will know the truth and the truth will set you free," he was actually simply referring to himself as "truth?" As in, "I am the way, the truth, and the life..." So I checked out a commentary, and sure enough... that is pretty much their take, too. What appeals to me in this explanation is that we are given an answer to "how do I know Jesus aka Truth?" By holding to the teachings of Jesus. It is also much more simpler than having to have a PhD in Theology in order to really feel like you "know the truth."

I am also struck with the differentiation between "believing" Jesus and "knowing" Jesus. We can believe, but not necessarily know him, as I did for many years. I became a Christian in Jr. High and believed Jesus, but knowing Him is something I am working on daily. Well, it is something I wish I worked on daily. (This blogging assignment is certainly helping tremendously toward that end!)

Here's another cool thing I saw in this today:
This verse seems to practically lay out the Christian journey:

Step one: Believe Jesus ("who had believed in him")

Step two: Study and apply the things Jesus said. ("If you hold to my teachings, you are really my disciple")

Step three: Be building a loving relationship with God. ("Then you will know the truth")

Step four: Have eternal life, victory over sin and death, all that you need for holy living. ("the truth will set you free.")

I think that is pretty cool. And encouraging. I am on the right path. I am pursing knowing Jesus and I am experiencing more and more freedom. Freedom from what? Myself really. As my dear friend and I were chatting about today, we all carry with us a shadow of ourselves - I would define this shadow as our sinful selves and the self that listens to the voice of the Enemy instead of God. The more and more we turn to Jesus, apply his teachings and know Him, the more we will recognize when it is our "shadow-self" speaking and have the power to be free from the falsehoods it proclaims. That's a freedom I want!

Lastly, I keep looking at the word "know." Here's all the potential meanings from the original Greek word:

1) to learn to know, come to know, get a knowledge of perceive, feel

2) to know, understand, perceive, have knowledge of

3) Jewish idiom for sexual intercourse between a man and a woman

4) to become acquainted with, to know

This shows me what I hoped it would, because as I was looking at this I was thinking of what it is like to know our spouse or a close friend. When we know someone closely, we can anticipate their reactions to things, we can trust them, we can tell what they are thinking (sometimes!), we can know what they need from us and how to serve them best, we know what makes them happy, sad, frustrated or joyful...

This is very motivating for me to pursuing "knowing the truth." I so want to know Jesus like this! I also am grateful that, just as I will never have David so figured out so as to risk getting bored or thinking I "know it all," I don't have to have Jesus all figured out either. And, I will never get bored trying! Wow... that really is freeing! See? It works!

Loving Others Loves God (or Loving God Loves Others)

OK, so now, not only do the versus from day to day relate to one another, they build upon one another and make me contradict myself:

“If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.” (1 John 4:20-21)

I believe it was just yesterday that I was saying I can be reconciled to God no problem, it's people that I can't stand? (I paraphrase) Apparently, if I can't stand people, I can't stand God. If that isn't a direct hit to the gut, I don't know what is.

Wow, does this verse puzzle me... it doesn't say we don't love God, it says we can't. We are unable to love God if we don't love others. How can this be?! God is good. God is just. God is loving. God is merciful. God is beautiful. God is without sin. So, umm, helloooo??? Doesn't it seem entirely likely to love someone like that (whether we can see him or not) regardless of whether or not we love people? People are mean, unfair, hateful, oppressive, and ugly (I don't mean physically). People sin.

I just don't get it. I can not love God if I don't love people. I am going to wrestle with this one. I really am. It must be about seeing others the way God sees them. But how do we see beyond all our sinful natures to see what God sees? In order to love another person I have to get past not only my own crud, but their crud as well? Hoo-boy. How do we love the unlovable? ...Flowing through my head right now are all these cute catch-phrases to answer this question: "by the Spirit," "with prayer," "it's not us, it's God through us"...

Gag. Sorry, folks... but seriously. Gag. The answer for me must be found by going deeper than that. My devotional today, on a different verse, yet totally the same message (coincidence??!) stated, "Truly, if our love for God is genuine, it cannot help but flow into a love for people. "

So, which comes first??? Our love for God, or our love for people? We can't love God if we don't love people, we can't love people without genuine love for God. Hmph. I am totally stumped.

For me, I really hope it is that loving God helps me to love people, otherwise... I might be in big trouble.

Reconcile This!

“that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God.” (2 Corinthians 5:19-20)

You know, reconciliation with God is not where I have the problem... it is being reconciled with one another that gets me. I just spent a mere 1hr and a half (short, but it felt VERY long) in a meeting where attitudes were flying (including my own) and people were behaving abhorrently (including me). Now I sit here, STEAMING MAD, trying to have God's word speak to me into my life and the theme is "reconciliation??!!" Agh! The audacity of God, sometimes! (Was that blasphemous?!)

The irony is the group I was with is pretty much my only "specifically non-Christian" group (well half are, half aren't). The reason this is ironic is because I have always said that "evangelism" is SO not my thing. It really isn't. It's not that I don't love people (well, I am capable of it when the Spirit intervenes), or that I don't believe in the concept of evangelism - I am totally psyched that there are folks out there with that gift. So I am in this group, in part, to get myself "out there," so to speak. And right now, all I want to do is quit. Which sure doesn't fit in with the definition of being reconciled. Get a load of this:

To Reconcile:

1.	to win over to friendliness; cause to become amicable: to reconcile hostile persons.

2.	to compose or settle (a quarrel, dispute, etc.).

3.	to bring into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent: to reconcile differing statements; to reconcile accounts.

Seriously, if I weren't so flipping annoyed right now, I would find this irony hilarious.

OK, OK, OK...So... How is it I am to be Christ's ambassador in this situation?? [sigh] Great. Just great. I get to humble myself and apologize first, and perhaps be the only one who does so and be okay with that. Grrr....

It is late. I am exhausted and finally coming down from the adrenalin high this meeting got me into. I need to pray this through. The Serentity Prayer sure seems like a good place to start:

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the thinks I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen.

I know I am totally copping out on an indepth entry today, just getting this down was a challenge today. Thank God for a new day tomorrow.

Everybody in the Body

“ You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:26-28)

Woo boy. Hold on to your hats for this one ladies and gentlemen, because Erin's about to go off on y'all.

The church is really seriously messing up on this one. We get caught up in another verse, found in 1 Corinthian 14 which states women are to keep silent in church. Seems to be a contradiction. Before I get into clarifying how it really isn't, let me just point out that even if it were contradictory, I find it interesting that the culture continues to place the words found in one book of the Bible over the words found in another book of the Bible. We cannot decide that the words of 1st Corinthians are more valid, more important, or more worthy of following than the words found in Galations. Yet, for centuries, this is exactly what the church has done.

So then, how do we marry these versus? The directive to the church in Corinth was not about women being in minsitry leadership. It was about women who were bringing into the Christian assembly practices which were pagan in origin and involved loud cries and disruptive behavior. This is why understanding historical context is such a biggy to me when we read Scripture. Knowing this, I can wholeheartedly agree that women should keep silent in the pew (so should men) and that no one should detract worshipers from the purpose of gathering together for instruction in the Word and corporate prayer and praise.

That being the case, we simply MUST revisit our position regarding women in leadership within our churches and organizations. As the Intervarsity Press Commentary (from www.biblegateway.com) states:

All racial, economic and gender barriers and all other inequalities are removed in Christ. The equality and unity of all in Christ are not an addition, a tangent or an optional application of the gospel. They are part of the essence of the gospel.

Equality in Christ is the starting point for all truly biblical social ethics. The church that does not express this equality and unity in Christ in its life and ministry is not faithful to the gospel. .. any expression of social class superiority (the free over the slaves) or gender superiority (men over women) violates the truth of the gospel. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus (v. 28). All the divisions and prejudices that matter so much in the world are abolished in Christ.

When men exclude women from significant participation in the life and ministry of the church, they negate the essence of the gospel. Some will argue that the equality Paul defends here is only in the "spiritual" sphere: equality before God. But Paul's argument responds to a social crisis in the church: Gentiles were being forced to become Jews to be fully accepted by Jewish Christians. Paul's argument is that Gentiles do not have to become Jews to participate fully in the life of the church. Neither do blacks have to become white or females become male for full participation in the life and ministry of the church.

The equality of all believers before God must be demonstrated in social relationships within the church if the truth of the gospel is to be expressed.

I can't say it much better than that.

Moving On

“In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” (Psalm 118:5-6)

You are entering into a conversation which began this morning, around 4:05 AM. Well, actually it is a conversation that has continued off and on for the past 8 years. But in this specific moment, this verse is actually a pretty direct answer to my frustration I was hashing out with God last night.

If you've been around me the past decade you know I have struggled with infertility through most of it. Initially, it wasn't long before David and I shifted gears from the medical establishment to the legal one and chose the adoption route. Twenty-one months later Vivi was born, with no medical intervention and no hard-core "intentionality" on our part.

This March, it will be four years since she then and 2 rounds of hormone treatments, one round of IUI, and about six months of acupuncture treatments later and apparently, I still have issues.

At this point I vascillate between being very content with the idea of no more diapers or having to break down and buy the dreaded mini-van versus hating my body for not cooperating with my life-long dream of being surrounded by a truck-load of children and grandchildren. I think if it weren't for the daily reminder of a reproductive system on the fritz, I would probably find contentment with the beautiful family God has blessed me with. But, unfortunately the female human body is designed with constant flags and signals to let you know what it is (or isn't) doing. So, there I was at 4AM, my mind uncapable of shutting down, as is often the case, and I found myself going over the past week or so, questioning this signal and that flag and wondering, "could it be? Maybe this time I am?..." The way I figure it, minus the 15 or so months of pregancy and lactation with Vivi, I have experienced this conversation with God now about 82 times.

And I am sick of it.

And that's exactly what I told God roughly 15 hours ago. In my anguish, I cried out to the Lord, "Please, I don't want this anymore. I want what You want for me. Take the desires of my heart. I don't want them anymore. I want the desires of Your heart instead. I am tired of feeling like I am fighting the same battle month after month. I am tired of being resentful of every pregnancy I hear about. I am tired of not being content enough with what You have already blessed me with. I am tired of wanting anything other than what You, God, want for me."

Now, I sit...waiting to be "set free." I am hopeful, and for now, that's enough for me.

** Please, consider not replying. I have found, over the past 8+ years, even when people have the best of intentions, their words of comfort in this regard come back hollow or even really harsh. I welcome your prayers for God to truly set me free from this longing. I don't want it anymore and would love to feel I have moved on. It is comfort enough to know someone else "cries out in anguish" with me. May God bless you.

KISS - Keep It Simply the Spirit

“But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy.” (1 Peter 1:15-16)

The message of this verse makes me think of Ti's comment from a couple posts ago about how simple our faith is and how we get caught up in so much junk trying to work out our faith. Basically, doesn't really boil down to this verse? Be holy.

Certainly makes it sounds pretty stinking easy, doesn't it? Well....isn't it? I mean, if I apply what I have said in previous entries, God isn't going to ask us to be something we aren't capable of being. He isn't going to require we do something we aren't able to do.

Or is He?

I remember hearing somewhere that the Law from the OT was given by God, with Him knowing full well the Israelites weren't capable of keeping it. In doing so, He was setting the stage for Jesus to come, so as to fulfill the Law and grant us acess to the Father through Him.

Which leads me to believe our faith isn't really about being humble, acting justly, loving mercy, or even being holy - but it is really about being filled with the Spirit of Christ. "Apart from me, you can do nothing," Jesus said. "I am the vine, you are the branches.." Everything we strive to do is in vain if we are doing it of our own power or our own strength.

I know this is stuff we have all heard before... but think about it. Did any of us just make New Year's resolutions? Mine are the same every year. Why is that? Because every flipping year I FAIL at keeping them! Hrumph! This year I didn't make any because I was too annoyed at my lack of originality. Here I go again, same ol' issues, different year.

Not this year. This year I resolve to do one thing and one thing only. I vow (which is a really scary thing to do with God - look at how he makes vows in the OT, it usually involved the death of a lot of animals) I VOW (gulp) to utter one statement (or a variation of this one statement) EVERY DAY, at least once a day:

Lord, Fill Me with Your Spirit.

There. The ball's in His court now. I will let Him deal with the other items on my resolution list this year. For all I know, He doesn't give two hoots about any of them and will actually bring along something NEW and DIFFERENT for me to work through. Won't that be fun!

I've just placed a post-it on my desk with this phrase. If I have to, I will plaster them all over this house. God, let me be able to keep it simple and just ask for your Spirit. Why? Because with God, ALL things are possible! (Even those pesky resolutions!)

Where's My Investment Headed?

“ "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:19-21)

I love this verse. Love, love LOVE it. One of my favorites. Maybe because it makes me feel better about not having the latest and greatest of everything! Seriously though, it is just such a great verse. It reminds me how much I love the notion of living simply, of not consuming so much, and of attempting to be less materialistic.

I feel, even though there is DEFINITELY room for improvement, I do these things well. Even though we have a lot of stuff, I work hard at not claiming ownership over any of it, and try hard to use what I have to meet the needs of others every chance I get. And, as many of my friends can attest, I go through a minor crisis every time we take on a new house project for fear that I am displaying bad stewardship in investing in "environmental beautification" (a.k.a. interior decorating and landscaping) instead of feeding the hungry, or buying Bibles for Wycliff or what have you. It is a major challenge for me to walk that fine line and I agonize about making the best choice.

But a very different question popped into my mind concerning this verse today. I want to throw it out to anyone who's reading to help me come up with an answer. "Do you think our relationships here on earth are earthly treasures or heavenly ones?" The reason I ask is, when I think about where my heart is, I really believe it is in my relationships with other people. That's what gets the majority of my time, energy, thought, and emotion. So I am trying to determine if this is a problem. I think to the extent that I prefer my earthly relationships over the heavenly One (with the Trinity) I am in trouble... which is certainly a possibility. Here's my challenge - God made me an extrovert. Therefore, I refuel by being in relationship with other people. Cloistering myself in a room with a Bible and a journal doesn't recharge me at all. It actually is draining for me, unless I know I'm doing that as preparation for discussion with others. So I have a difficult time knowing when and if I have my relationship with God and my relationship with others in the wrong order of priority.

I want to be sure my "storage efforts" are being put into eternity. I can't help but think that if my passion is relating to others, than I am, by virtue of us all having an eternal soul, investing in the right property. Let's hope so... or let's at least hope God will reveal to me where I have this one all wrong.

Not for Me

“Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the LORD God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is. Hate evil, love good; maintain justice in the courts. Perhaps the LORD God Almighty will have mercy on the remnant of Joseph.” (Amos 5:14-15)

It is 10:14 pm. This is probably the 20th time today that I have sat down to write this. I am feeling like these "random" verses (David says they aren't random) are having too much in common and making me feel redundant. I am having a reaction to this one that sounds like this:
"Yeah, yeah... I got it. Hate evil, love good. Stop doing evil. Start doing good. God loves you. Great."

Honestly, what struck me when I read this was much more of a personal message from the Spirit prompting me to be on my face before the throne interceding for dear friends of mine who desperately need His provision right now. To elaborate wouldn't be honoring them, so I have struggled to figure out what to write about all day.

So, even though it is late, I urge you today to take time to intercede on behalf of someone else. We all have so many needs, so many areas needing the touch of God. Let's forget our own today and focus on someone else.

Lord - I need for nothing. And that is 100% because of you. Please, in the same way you have worked in my life, work in the lives of those I love. Provide for us all we need and help us to redefine "need" in a way that Honors You. Help us to believe that less is more. Help us to embrace simplicity. Help us to live as the early Church - selling our possessions and sharing with one another according to the needs of each one. Show me where I need to do this and how I can serve these people I love so dearly. God, thank you that you did not place me in relationship with you in a vacuum, devoid of brothers and sisters in Christ. I am so blessed. Use me, Lord, to bless others.
Amen.

Daddy's Girl

THEREFORE BE imitators of God [copy Him and follow His example], as well-beloved children [imitate their father].

2And walk in love, [esteeming and delighting in one another] as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a slain offering and sacrifice to God [for you, so that it became] a sweet fragrance. ^**

Woah. What a verse. I feel like this is one I could work on every day for the rest of my life and still not quite get there. Copy God!?! Walk in Love?!? But then I think of my son right now - who is at that great age when Daddy is better than a hot fudge sundae. I hear on a regular basis from Bo about how he wants to be just like his daddy in each and every way - from the way he works to the way he looks. Everything about his Dad is perfect and worthy of imitation.

That said, I sure do complicate my faith and my relationship with God. Scriptures tell us to become like a child. This is such great advice. Bo's ability to see his daddy as the "be-all-end-all" is the result of a few factors, which certainly apply to Abba even better:

1. David's actions: Bo's adoration is the natural response to the one who provides for him, who protects him, who guides him, who disciplines him, who spends time with him, plays with him and loves him no matter what. Without exception, when I consider the work of God in my life - his loving care, provision, guidance...I am moved to tears with gratitude and want to be just like Him.

2. Bohdan's youthfulness: I started questioning what happens to us that makes us stop looking at our parents as our heros as become teens (that was me, anyway). I thought about how much the world around us affects the views we have. I realized that each and every time Bo hear's me speak disrespectfully to David, or speak of him in a way that is dishonoring, Bo is learning that his Daddy "ain't all that." I thought about every show on TV (or movie) that portrays fathers as stupid, lazy, clueless, manipulatable, etc (there are MANY) and the impact this has on the respect for the role of fatherhood. And I thought about the times we mess up as adults, especially in our parenting, and the way this contributes to the "demotion" of the dad. Thank the Lord, He will never mess up, so that isn't an issue... but what about the other stuff? How many messages do we get in a day that are contrary to the Truth of Scripture and that try to convince us that Our God isn't All Powerful - isn't this really what SELF-help material is saying? Or that He doesn't have our best interest at heart - isn't that what consumerism and materialism is all about? Or that "He" doesnt' really even exist - the message of relativism, humanism, evolutionism? I could go on and on.

I don't want to sound militant about tuning out, shutting off, and being unplugged; but I just don't even realize how often I am being fed stuff that is degrading to my Heavenly Father. If I am so convicted by my own contribution to the demotion of David in the eyes of my own children (that was a serious blow to me today), how much more should I be aghast at my willingness to expose myself (and my family) to messages that make the Almighty Father seem anything less than perfect?

Today, I crawled up into my Daddy's lap, gazed into His beautiful Glory and proclaimed, "Daddy, I want to be just like you!" His reply, "Oh, my dear, sweet daughter...thanks to my Son, you already are." May I live in that reality and refuse to listen to the world around me. My God is so Great!

**This is from the Amplified Bible, which is one of my favorite translations because the words get broken down into all their possible meanings. (What can I say, I was an English major!)

Ready for Anything

“ Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.” (1 Peter 1:13)

Prepare your minds for action! I love that! Thems sounds like fightin' words! And you know what? They are. Check out how the Amplified Bible words it:

So brace up your minds; be sober (circumspect, morally alert); set your hope wholly and unchangeably on the grace (divine favor) that is coming to you when Jesus Christ (the Messiah) is revealed.

Brace up - you only do that when a storm is coming. The mental storms my brain goes through are astonishing at times. But guess what? It's all in my head. The enemy sure does know how to get us, doesn't he? Which is why this verse is so great. Remember a few posts back, when I was frustrated about all the directives God gives us without the step-by-step instructions for successful implementation? This verse comes directions to follow! Woo-hoo!

We know we are in the midst of a war. The war is over our hearts. Even as Christians, (I dare say especially as Christians) we are under attack constantly. Satan uses whatever he can to keep us from living victoriously. In my case, one of his favorite instruments is my own mind. But God gives me directions right here on how to deal with that - set my hope wholly and unchangeably on the divine favor of Jesus. By doing so, I will be "morally alert." And when I am morally alert I will recognize evil for what it is and be able to rebuke it in the name of Jesus.

But, for the sake of sticking to my favorite question, "How do I set my hope wholly and unchangeably...?" This morning I checked out my verse-of-the-day briefly before sprinting into the day, knowing I would have time later (now) to write. About an hour later I found myself trying to remember what the verse was. I couldn't. I was then struck with my own ability to utterly dismiss anything that isn't immediately involved in my life. Woah. Outa sight outa mind, as it's said. I think the only way I can set my anything (hope, mind, heart, etc) wholly and unchangeably is to mull it over and over and over. The way I fret over parenting for example. Or my infertility. The problem is, my parenting and infertility, and anything else that isn't God doesn't provide one ounce of hope and certainly leaves me totally exposed to the arrows of the enemy. I think we are told to hand over the cares of this world to the Lord so we can be mentally and emotionally freed up to dwell on the things of Him and be ready for action. We set our hope by choosing not to set it on the things of this world. By turning those over to God. Instead, we set our hope and the Truths we know from His word (which we only know by reading it).

That action may not always be a battle.. even though that is how I initially read it. That action may be the very thing I'm always longing for - an "assignment" from God. That is so flipping exciting! I don't want to miss that because I am too mentally busy with junk. I will instead, look to meditate on the things of God as much as possible so that my hope is set on Him.

Lord, I want to be prepared for whatever is coming. Whether it be an attack or an assignment... Bring it on. My hope is in you, Lord. I'm ready.