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This site has been created to give us an opportunity to journey together through this thing called "Christian Living." My hope is that my transparency will spur you on, encourage you, and unite us in our efforts to become more like Christ. Please see this as an open dialog -- share your ideas, add your own post, and comment at will. I thank you in advance for morphing with me! -- Erin

ps - it is also a place for me to shamelessly brag about my children (consider it a multi-purpose blog!) :)

Sunday, February 1, 2009

I Love Him, I Love Him Not

“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” (Deuteronomy 6:4-5)
Isn't it maddening that something that sounds so simple is so flipping hard to do??!!! That was my response to reading this verse today. When I think about loving something or someone with all my heart, soul and strength I think about how much I would want to spend time with that person or doing that thing. I think about how they would consume my every waking thought and my dreams at night. I think about how I would do anything, sacrifice anything for that person or that thing.

And yet, here I sit, still struggling to remember to pray. Struggling to make reading God's word a priority. Struggling to seek Him and His kingdom first. Struggling to find ways to daily surrender to His will for my life. Struggling to know His heart for me. Struggling. Struggling. Struggling.

I don't want to believe this all means I don't love God. But my actions sure speak louder than my words. Sometimes I wonder what it will take for me to develop that insatiable passion for Jesus that I see in others (a rare few, mind you). And I get scared. The people I know who love Jesus with an utter abandon that I honestly find intimidating if not plain out there are people who have been to hell and back. Is it possible to love God with all our heart, mind and soul without the trip through the ringer? Is it possible to achieve a mature faith without the trials and suffering? I don't honestly know.

I say I want to love God, mind, soul and body, but at what cost am I willing to really pursue that? Am I wrong to think there is a cost? I don't think so - historically loving God like that hasn't bode well for folks. Think of the disciples, Joan of Arc, the Chinese Christians, Jim Eliot and his team, Christians in Muslim nations.... It isn't exactly a hall of fame I want my name listed in. Does that make me shallow? Does that make me less of a Christian?

If nothing else, it makes me an honest one to admit that, I guess. Luckily for me, God is in the business of making new hearts and I am a willing vessel in that regard. As He changes my heart, I hope it will result in my caring less and less about the things which keep me from a heart, soul & strength love for the Lord. For now, I hope He will accept my humble adaptation from one of my favorite prayers in Scripture:

I love you, Lord. Help my lack of love for you.
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