You can blame me, but not for long, I hope!

“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.” (Philippians 2:14-16)

How do I type out the scoffing sound you make when you blow air between your lips - "Ppbbltt" or something like that. Be sure to envision the eyes rolling, too. Pretty much, I am all kinds of full of blame if lack of complaining and arguing is what it takes to be blameless. I'm a mess. Poor Paul (I think he wrote the words above) will take one look at me and think..."For Pete's sake (why isn't it For Paul's sake), I labored for nothing. Look at her. What a mess." Of course, if Paul actually did say that, he would be complaining, so he'd have to join me in the Messy Camp.

That's pretty funny, when I think about it. Am I actually complaining about the fact that I complain? I think I am. What a hoot.

Where did I just hear something to the effect of: when we complain about our circumstances we are committing the sin of pride. We are in essence saying to God, "you don't know what you are doing. What you are doing is wrong." For all I know it was something said on a comment on this blog - but this is the thought that came into my head when I read through this verse. To be argumentative is in essence to reveal my need to be right. Which, reveals my pride (unless of course I really am right, in which case it just reveals my sense of justice!). I have much to learn about this. I love arguing. I love complaining. I love discontentment. (David is going to be so shocked that I have openly admitted this after 12 years!) It isn't that I am only happy when I am miserable or a martyr or a victim - it is that I see arguing, complaining and discontentment as the ways to ensure improvement and betterment and change.

I feel like what God needs to do (there I go, telling Him what I think needs to be done around here again!) is help me find a way to those buzzwords (improvement, betterment, change) via a different path. Like seeking betterment out of love for God or realizing that contentment doesn't lead to stagnation.

I can want more of God, I can desire a stronger and deeper faith without complaining about what I have currently. I can move forward on my spiritual journey without arguing with God about how to get to our destination.

Ultimately, these issues of complaining and arguing with me are about [gulp] submission. To submit to the will of God and the path he chooses for me, not necessarily without question but certainly without any attitude.

Hmph. I think I am back to my need to be filled with the Spirit every day, every second of the day. Lord.... I sure do need you. So glad you don't expect us to do this stuff single-handed.