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In the still of the moment, I whisper a quiet "I love you, my snuggly-buggly-Bo-bear." He will nestle in even closer and I will feel the smile spread on his face as his cheek presses in against my shoulder. A most treasured "I love you, too" melodically flows out from within him to add two sizes to my heart.
Time stands still and the world ceases to exist in these precious moments shared between a mother and her son.
* * *
I am slowly beginning to understand that, in the same way I cherish these moments between Bohdan and me, God relishes in time spent one-on-one with Him. Truthfully, this is something I rarely give him, and when I do, it is typically frantic moments of desperation instead of time filled with the peaceful contentment of a loving embrace. My own eyes well up at the thought that some day Bohdan will be too big to fit just so as he does, curved against my chest, and the "I love you, too" won't be so readily available for me to hear. Why, then, do I deprive my Heavenly Father from the pleasure a whispered "I love you, too" would bring to Him?
Instead, I attempt to perform for him, like some circus clown, over emphasizing my feeble efforts, hungry for heavenly applause. How tragically easy it is to believe that, in this approach, Christianity is merely something to add to my to-list:
- Daily Quiet Time
- Bible Study
- Prayer
- Family Devotions
- Attend Church
- Volunteer with that ministry
- Give to charity
- etc...
In my attempt to resolve this reality, I readily and happily toss the to-list only to replace it with a form of Christianity that becomes all about me - what I need from God, how He can help me, miracles I need him to perform, happiness that I deserve and He needs to grant, even past hurts I need healing from... and suddenly I find myself practicing Erinianity - which fails to look anything like following Christ.
Could it truly be all about the "gentle whisper?" Consider Elijiah - when God showed him His glory, it wasn't in the big, catastrophic, majestic or miraculous events - it was in a soft breeze, a whisper. Consider, too, Jesus' as he revealed himself to his disciples as the risen Lord - no fanfare, nothing to draw attention, just sharing a quiet meal together.
- simple moments of love whispered in the quiet.1
Perhaps the next time I find myself in the stillness of the pure perfection of snuggle time with my son, I will be aware that I am not the only one singing over someone.
The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior who Saves!. He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest in silent satisfaction and, in His love, He will be silent and make no mention of past sins or even recall them. He will exult over you with singing.2
I love you, too.
1. See 1 Kings 19: 10-13 and John 24:13-35
2. Zephaniah 3:17 (Thank you, Katie, for sharing this gem with me!)
6 comments:
Yet again Christianity shows itself to be the tension between two goods. In this case, "Be Still and know that I am God" and "Be ye doers of the word and not hearers only". (Hmmmm Can you make a spiritual point with two different versions of Scripture?? ) Recently I've been thinking that my to do list tends to expand rapidly based on the original sin of "wanting to be like God" I want to be omniscient and know everything. I want to be all caring and have people be able to depnd on me. I want to be all powerful and able to fulfill the needs of all those around me. The only problem is that since I am none of these things I clog my mind, time, and energy with 1/2 completed projects and intentions like too many people walking through the same door at the same time to disastrous results and miss moments of actual living. Woe is Martha when the table isn't perfect when she intended it to be (but on the other hand who will feed Mary or are these not two people but two sides of ourselves?)
I’ve used the child resting in a parent’s arms analogy many times, I think starting with Dave about holding Bohdan. It works so well. There is nothing a baby can do to earn his parents’ love. I’m looking forward to hearing more.
Erin, thank you for the post...I love that picture of you holding your child as a picture of being in the arms of God.
I wanted to briefly make a point relating to what Dan's response was (which I also appreciate). I wonder, if, with Calvin, Bonhoeffer, and other such theologians, if it is through divinity that we arrive at true humanity (to pose the question of one of my professors)?
In other words, are we better Marthas because we are such good Marys? Maybe these two things aren't really opposite, but truly united. That life comes not from trying to live, but from losing our lives to Jesus? Or, as Calvin would say, true knowledge of God and self are interconnected - although we only truly come to know ourselves through our knowing of God.
Anyway, just a thought. I hope this finds you well, in other words, seeking Christ.
Blessings, kyle strobel
Thanks for your comments, all. In my current existence as the mother of two toddlers, I am finding that what I really need to focus on is finding God in the ordinary. My daily life is chock full of Martha moments. I do have the choice to refuse these and be Mary instead, but then who will feed my family, wash the clothes, etc? In my reality I absolutely cannot say it is either/or or even Mary now and Martha later - but I must find the place where I can live in both realities simultaneously. Folding laundry becomes an act of worship. I haven't fully figured out how yet, but that is the path I am on.
I look forward to further dialog,
Erin
I was just thinking that maybe we need to turn this perspective on its head, in that it's not so much about our finding God in the ordinary, but rather growing in our awareness of his visiting us in the ordinary and how we respond as he does. Martha welcomed Jesus into her home as a friend. We have that same opportunity every day. He is, in fact, with us already. Martha's issue was not really the matter of being too busy to make time for Jesus. It was that she allowed the busy stuff of life to warp her perspective. She became mentally over-occupied and anxious. I can almost imagine Jesus with a slightly sarcastic smile on his face replying that Mary had chosen the "better portion". This double-meaning reference to the best dish served in a meal (and to Jesus himself) was just what Martha needed to hear as she went about literally setting the table.
I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." (Lamentations 3:24)
I believe that Jesus delights to see his children walk with him and serve him in the ordinary. It's when we begin to serve the ordinary rather than him that he calls us back again to the one necessary thing among many necessary things in our life.
Erin, sorry, my comments were not meant to be temporal. In other words, I wasn't trying to imply that we pick one or the other at any given time, but that our ability to live in God's world comes not from our ability to live independently from him, but from knowing true dependence in him.
You are right then in your desire to "practice the presence of God" in all you do, because, as was suggested above, in Christ we have a God who has put on flesh, or, in other words, has broken into the mundane and has made is sacred.
We can talk about Mary and Martha because like them, we know Immanuel, God with us; and that knowledge allows for all of life to be a discipline towards dependence upon him.
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