Let's Swear On It

In my quest for authentic community, kindred spirits, a band of brothers (ok, sisters), I have come to a sad conclusion. I think our culture, and by that I mean Christians in America, is missing a CRITICAL component of Life with Christ.

FRIENDSHIPS

In his book, “The Pursuit of God in the Company of Friends,” Richard Lamb discusses insights on Friendship which were first addressed by Aristotle:

Ideally, friends (1) enjoy one another, (2) are useful to one another and (3) share a common commitment to “the good.”1

He goes on to say:

Aristotle’s insights extend beyond individual friendships, however. They also describe fundamental prerequisites for a healthy community, a company of friends in the pursuit of God. Aristotle’s three points show up as the fundamental prerequisites of community: fellowship, accountability and partnership.”2

Community speaks of commitments a group of people hold in common. fellowship entails common life, a sheer enjoyment of time spent together…Accountability requires common commitments to integrity, reconciliation, and mutual concern and indicates that these commitments mean something, for the good of each and all…Partnership involves common mission, an outward focus that is not in competition with community but is instead an essential outgrowth of it.3

Hopefully, we can all see some of these elements in our current friendships, but do any of them contain them ALL? Why does it seem so hard for this to exist? Developing friendships, let alone communities, seems an insurmountable task which many give up on. I have actually heard women express that their family, indeed their husbands, would have to be “friend enough.” While I will be the first to preach on the importance of STRONG friendships between husband and wife, in my case David will never, ever be my “kindred spirit.” He is not meant to be. He is meant to be, and is, the yin to my yang (or is it yang to my yin?) – not my bosom buddy. And yet many of us look to our husbands to fill this need in our lives, only to wonder why it is they come up short. Why do we shy away from female camaraderie*?

I presume it is because of

1. Past hurts.

2. Lack of commitment.

As far as past hurts go, all I can say is lack of forgiveness keeps us from intimacy with others and ultimately, from intimacy with God. We have ALL been hurt by friends. Just as we have all been hurt by husbands, yet, in most cases we would all still say we love and are loved by our husbands – so what happened to those friends?

Enter in – lack of commitment. We are a fickle people. When conflict arises, even if subtle, or under the surface ("it’s not you, it’s me") we run in the other direction - conveniently and keenly aware that there’s another play group down the street, a Bible study that meets on another night, a different church with different politics… We are a rich people indeed when we can “discard” those with whom we struggle and choose our friends from such an abundant supply of options.

I propose a challenge to us all. The challenge to consider entering into

COVENANT FRIENDSHIPS

Covenants are big with God. He uses them throughout the OT in all sorts of situations and scenarios. I think the only reason we don’t (to my knowledge) see specifically this type of concept in the NT (it is in the OT – see David and Jonathan or Ruth and Naomi) is there was no need of it. Living in close proximity (and never moving away) and having only one group of believers in any given city (see most NT letters to THE church of a city) made the commitment to friends automatic.

Not so today.

I think God would be in the midst of such a commitment to one another. He would show up, just as he does in marriages built on covenant. My challenge to us (yes, to me, too) is to pursue intentional, covenant friendships. “Till death do us part” type stuff.

In this context, I believe we will begin to see the church become the active body of Christ as it is intended to be. We will be free to enjoy one another, speak truth into each other’s lives, serve and love each other, and be a true family of Christ-followers.

"Diana, will you swear to be my Bosom Friend forever?"
"But mother says it's wicked to swear."
"Well I guess it's not a swear, but a promise. Will you do it?"
"Alright."
"I, Anne Shirley, solemnly swear to be forever faithful to my bosom friend Diana Barry, as long as the sun and moon shall endure. Now you say it."
"I, Diana Barry, solemnly swear, to be forever faithful to my bosom friend, Anne Shirley, as long as the sun and moon--"
"Shall endure."
"Shall endure."

* I argue the same holds true for men - that they shy away from a true "band of brothers" and quite possibly for some of the same reasons.

1. Lamb, Richard, The Pursuit of God in the Company of Friends. Intervarsity Press, Downers Grove, IL, 2003, pg197.
2. ibid.
3. ibid.