Let's Swear On It

In my quest for authentic community, kindred spirits, a band of brothers (ok, sisters), I have come to a sad conclusion. I think our culture, and by that I mean Christians in America, is missing a CRITICAL component of Life with Christ.

FRIENDSHIPS

In his book, “The Pursuit of God in the Company of Friends,” Richard Lamb discusses insights on Friendship which were first addressed by Aristotle:

Ideally, friends (1) enjoy one another, (2) are useful to one another and (3) share a common commitment to “the good.”1

He goes on to say:

Aristotle’s insights extend beyond individual friendships, however. They also describe fundamental prerequisites for a healthy community, a company of friends in the pursuit of God. Aristotle’s three points show up as the fundamental prerequisites of community: fellowship, accountability and partnership.”2

Community speaks of commitments a group of people hold in common. fellowship entails common life, a sheer enjoyment of time spent together…Accountability requires common commitments to integrity, reconciliation, and mutual concern and indicates that these commitments mean something, for the good of each and all…Partnership involves common mission, an outward focus that is not in competition with community but is instead an essential outgrowth of it.3

Hopefully, we can all see some of these elements in our current friendships, but do any of them contain them ALL? Why does it seem so hard for this to exist? Developing friendships, let alone communities, seems an insurmountable task which many give up on. I have actually heard women express that their family, indeed their husbands, would have to be “friend enough.” While I will be the first to preach on the importance of STRONG friendships between husband and wife, in my case David will never, ever be my “kindred spirit.” He is not meant to be. He is meant to be, and is, the yin to my yang (or is it yang to my yin?) – not my bosom buddy. And yet many of us look to our husbands to fill this need in our lives, only to wonder why it is they come up short. Why do we shy away from female camaraderie*?

I presume it is because of

1. Past hurts.

2. Lack of commitment.

As far as past hurts go, all I can say is lack of forgiveness keeps us from intimacy with others and ultimately, from intimacy with God. We have ALL been hurt by friends. Just as we have all been hurt by husbands, yet, in most cases we would all still say we love and are loved by our husbands – so what happened to those friends?

Enter in – lack of commitment. We are a fickle people. When conflict arises, even if subtle, or under the surface ("it’s not you, it’s me") we run in the other direction - conveniently and keenly aware that there’s another play group down the street, a Bible study that meets on another night, a different church with different politics… We are a rich people indeed when we can “discard” those with whom we struggle and choose our friends from such an abundant supply of options.

I propose a challenge to us all. The challenge to consider entering into

COVENANT FRIENDSHIPS

Covenants are big with God. He uses them throughout the OT in all sorts of situations and scenarios. I think the only reason we don’t (to my knowledge) see specifically this type of concept in the NT (it is in the OT – see David and Jonathan or Ruth and Naomi) is there was no need of it. Living in close proximity (and never moving away) and having only one group of believers in any given city (see most NT letters to THE church of a city) made the commitment to friends automatic.

Not so today.

I think God would be in the midst of such a commitment to one another. He would show up, just as he does in marriages built on covenant. My challenge to us (yes, to me, too) is to pursue intentional, covenant friendships. “Till death do us part” type stuff.

In this context, I believe we will begin to see the church become the active body of Christ as it is intended to be. We will be free to enjoy one another, speak truth into each other’s lives, serve and love each other, and be a true family of Christ-followers.

"Diana, will you swear to be my Bosom Friend forever?"
"But mother says it's wicked to swear."
"Well I guess it's not a swear, but a promise. Will you do it?"
"Alright."
"I, Anne Shirley, solemnly swear to be forever faithful to my bosom friend Diana Barry, as long as the sun and moon shall endure. Now you say it."
"I, Diana Barry, solemnly swear, to be forever faithful to my bosom friend, Anne Shirley, as long as the sun and moon--"
"Shall endure."
"Shall endure."

* I argue the same holds true for men - that they shy away from a true "band of brothers" and quite possibly for some of the same reasons.

1. Lamb, Richard, The Pursuit of God in the Company of Friends. Intervarsity Press, Downers Grove, IL, 2003, pg197.
2. ibid.
3. ibid.

Snuggle Time

I have these moments with my son that make my heart sing. We will be snuggling together on our green couch, his legs wrapped around my waist, my arms enclosed around his, him hugging my neck. He fits just right under my chin. I bury my face in his curls and a soft hum of pure contentment sings softly in the back of my throat.

In the still of the moment, I whisper a quiet "I love you, my snuggly-buggly-Bo-bear." He will nestle in even closer and I will feel the smile spread on his face as his cheek presses in against my shoulder. A most treasured "I love you, too" melodically flows out from within him to add two sizes to my heart.

Time stands still and the world ceases to exist in these precious moments shared between a mother and her son.

* * *

I am slowly beginning to understand that, in the same way I cherish these moments between Bohdan and me, God relishes in time spent one-on-one with Him. Truthfully, this is something I rarely give him, and when I do, it is typically frantic moments of desperation instead of time filled with the peaceful contentment of a loving embrace. My own eyes well up at the thought that some day Bohdan will be too big to fit just so as he does, curved against my chest, and the "I love you, too" won't be so readily available for me to hear. Why, then, do I deprive my Heavenly Father from the pleasure a whispered "I love you, too" would bring to Him?

Instead, I attempt to perform for him, like some circus clown, over emphasizing my feeble efforts, hungry for heavenly applause. How tragically easy it is to believe that, in this approach, Christianity is merely something to add to my to-list:

• Daily Quiet Time
• Bible Study
• Prayer
• Family Devotions
• Attend Church
• Volunteer with that ministry
  
• Give to charity
• etc...

If I let it, the list never stops and manages to squeeze hours out of my life that are fruitless, exhausting and that fail to truly draw me any closer to God.

In my attempt to resolve this reality, I readily and happily toss the to-list only to replace it with a form of Christianity that becomes all about me - what I need from God, how He can help me, miracles I need him to perform, happiness that I deserve and He needs to grant, even past hurts I need healing from... and suddenly I find myself practicing Erinianity - which fails to look anything like following Christ.

Could it truly be all about the "gentle whisper?" Consider Elijiah - when God showed him His glory, it wasn't in the big, catastrophic, majestic or miraculous events - it was in a soft breeze, a whisper. Consider, too, Jesus' as he revealed himself to his disciples as the risen Lord - no fanfare, nothing to draw attention, just sharing a quiet meal together.
- simple moments of love whispered in the quiet.1

Perhaps the next time I find myself in the stillness of the pure perfection of snuggle time with my son, I will be aware that I am not the only one singing over someone.

The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior who Saves!. He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest in silent satisfaction and, in His love, He will be silent and make no mention of past sins or even recall them. He will exult over you with singing.2

I love you, too.

1. See 1 Kings 19: 10-13 and John 24:13-35
2. Zephaniah 3:17 (Thank you, Katie, for sharing this gem with me!)