Spiritual Vasovagal Syndrome

“ Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” (James 1:2-3)

Ummm... ooookaaaaay.... You know how God will focus on a certain theme in your life for awhile where the same message keeps popping up all over the place? At least, this is what God does to me - I think he needs to get really repetitive in order for messages to sink in. I have a lot of, "Oh! Was that You, God? Were you talking to me?" moments.

So, lately, the running theme has been in regards to facing trials and being tested. There's been a lot about what you need to do to prepare and how God is there and will get your through it, etc, etc. and I can't help but want to send out an APB to everyone I know saying "PRAY FOR ME! SOMETHING'S COMING!!!!"

And I keep having to remind myself that God is Good, He is powerful, He loves me and I don't need to freak out.

I also have to convince myself that perseverence is a good thing and I would benefit from having some more of that in my life. But I approach this verse the same way I approach a blood draw. I get the lab slip. It sits on my desk. It sits. It sits. It sits. I run out of my medication which cannot be refilled until I get the results BACK from the blood draw. The lab slip sits on my desk another week. I start to feel yucky because I haven't taken my thyroid medication in over a week. With great fear and trepidation I take the slip to the lab. I sit. I pray. I quake. They call my name. They begin to lead me to "The Chair." I choke out the words, "I'm a pass-out risk," my palms already sweaty. They quickly redirect me to "The Bed." "What helps?" they ask. "Distraction. Keep talking." "OK." and then the wonderful nurse chatters away, asks questions, makes jokes. At some point in the midst of that I feel the familiar, uncomfortable pinch. I tense up and then try to remind myself to relax...reeeelaaaaax... then, it's over. And I have made it. And I get some juice.

That is PRECISELY how I approach this verse and the "testing of my faith." Hoo-boy, palms are sweaty already... yep...pray for me.

Accountability Anyone?

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12)

So, if Jesus came to fulfill the Law, does that mean we don't have to do this? Just kidding.

I wish time had a pause button. If it did, then just before I was about to treat someone in a way other than how I want to be treated, I could push Pause and evaluate the situation for a moment to come up with a more appropriate action. Then release the Pause and do the right thing. In my own experience, most of the time when I am way off base in my actions, it is spur-of-the-moment, spontaneous, knee-jerk reaction to whatever. Rarely do I pre-meditate and then chose the wrong path when given the opportunity to process first. But, rarely do I get the opportunity to think through things before responding or acting and inevitably end up treating people poorly. Typically those "people" are the ones closest to me whom I love the most.

It's times like these when I realize the depravity of my own heart and how much I need Jesus.

Another take on this verse, though I have no idea if it is intended or not, is this: Being really honest with others, especially in the area of accountability. When I think about how I want to be treated, one component I wish for is loving, respectful accountability and honesty. I want to know when my actions don't reflect Jesus. I want to know where others see God at work in my life. But I don't necessarily treat others this way. Hmm... why not? I guess because a.) I don't have confidence in my ability to come across as loving and respectful. and b.) because I don't know if it works to offer this relational dynamic without being given permission. Our culture doesn't seem very open to this type of interaction.

Maybe the order of those observations is the key - maybe it is by being someone who is loving and respectful of others, you find yourself in relationships where the accountability dynamic occurs more naturally and evolves from the place of trust. Trust which has been groomed by the love and respect. (This certainly hold true for the very few relationships I have that sort of have this.)

Which certainly explains why I don't see this dynamic in many of my relationships. May God cause my heart and my actions to overflow with love for others, that I may live according to this verse and see depth and strength of relationships where accountibility is a welcome, natural byproduct of love and respect for one another. He and I sure have some work to do!

Warrior Humility

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)

The Amplified Bible explains that "no temptation or trial has come to you that is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience, and such as man can bear."

In Beth Moore's introductory session for her study of Esther she shares a fear she held for a long time regarding experiencing "the dark night of the soul." She shares that she told God she could never live through that kind of trial. So, what did God do? Silenced himself so she would experience that which she so greatly feared. Why did he do that? So she would see that she could live through the perceived absence of God in her life and it would not destroy her.

The message I get from this verse above and Beth's testamony is a relatively simple one. If I do not hold tight to the truth of God's word regarding temptation and trials, and I allow myself to be afraid of experiencing them, God just might decide to get me over that fear the hard way, by proving me wrong.

Fearing something bad happening is telling God that His word, His grace, His mercy, His love, His protection, do not apply to me. How arrogant of me! It is so self-centered and prideful. "Oh, I know someone who has dealt with X (adultery, death of a child, cancer, etc) and survived, but I couldn't. I know I couldn't." - This initally sounds like humility or "low self esteem" or even lack of faith on my part. But if I really unpackage what I am saying, it is a form of boasting. "I'm a bigger mess than you are, so God would't be able to help me."

How funny in a sick sorta way. But it is true. We often hear about humility in the context of power struggles, appropriate placement of priorities and servitude. Humbling ourselves before the Lord means being willing to apply ALL the verses of Scripture to our lives. Sometimes, this is going to mean more than laying down our lives for another, or going where the Lord will lead. At times, at least in my own life, humility is going to look an awful lot like warrior-strength, fearlessness and confidence.

God is bigger than my biggest fears. I better humbly admit that, or He just might prove it. And if my biggest fears come about even after I have embraced the truth of this verse, the rest of the verse becomes all the more important - God will not give me more than I can bear.

You can blame me, but not for long, I hope!

“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.” (Philippians 2:14-16)

How do I type out the scoffing sound you make when you blow air between your lips - "Ppbbltt" or something like that. Be sure to envision the eyes rolling, too. Pretty much, I am all kinds of full of blame if lack of complaining and arguing is what it takes to be blameless. I'm a mess. Poor Paul (I think he wrote the words above) will take one look at me and think..."For Pete's sake (why isn't it For Paul's sake), I labored for nothing. Look at her. What a mess." Of course, if Paul actually did say that, he would be complaining, so he'd have to join me in the Messy Camp.

That's pretty funny, when I think about it. Am I actually complaining about the fact that I complain? I think I am. What a hoot.

Where did I just hear something to the effect of: when we complain about our circumstances we are committing the sin of pride. We are in essence saying to God, "you don't know what you are doing. What you are doing is wrong." For all I know it was something said on a comment on this blog - but this is the thought that came into my head when I read through this verse. To be argumentative is in essence to reveal my need to be right. Which, reveals my pride (unless of course I really am right, in which case it just reveals my sense of justice!). I have much to learn about this. I love arguing. I love complaining. I love discontentment. (David is going to be so shocked that I have openly admitted this after 12 years!) It isn't that I am only happy when I am miserable or a martyr or a victim - it is that I see arguing, complaining and discontentment as the ways to ensure improvement and betterment and change.

I feel like what God needs to do (there I go, telling Him what I think needs to be done around here again!) is help me find a way to those buzzwords (improvement, betterment, change) via a different path. Like seeking betterment out of love for God or realizing that contentment doesn't lead to stagnation.

I can want more of God, I can desire a stronger and deeper faith without complaining about what I have currently. I can move forward on my spiritual journey without arguing with God about how to get to our destination.

Ultimately, these issues of complaining and arguing with me are about [gulp] submission. To submit to the will of God and the path he chooses for me, not necessarily without question but certainly without any attitude.

Hmph. I think I am back to my need to be filled with the Spirit every day, every second of the day. Lord.... I sure do need you. So glad you don't expect us to do this stuff single-handed.

Half Way to A New Heart

“ So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” (Galatians 5:16)

This is such great confirmation to me! All the stuff I have been thinking on lately about how our walk is about simply daily seeing to be filled with the Spirit. I feel like God is saying, "Yes, Erin! You are getting it! Keep going! Keep going!" Just exactly the perfect message for me today, at my HALF-WAY mark! Woo-hoo! This has NOT been easy for me. But God is honoring my obedience in ways that are changing me... dare I say, He is putting a love for His Word in my heart like I have never had before. A miracle. Truly, a miracle.

Last night, some extraordinary women gathered together to begin a study of the Book of Esther. As we gathered, we had a time of quiet reflection. God guided me to some great verses, speaking to me about where I am at with Him and with my life's purpose.

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations...Do not say, 'I am only a _____ (the word says 'child' but I would argue we could insert whatever - 'woman,' 'housewife,' 'high-school graduate' etc) You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you... Now, I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appointed you over the nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant." Jeremiah 1:5-10

I went to the potter's house and saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands, so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.
Then the word of the Lord came to me, "O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the Lord. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand." Jeremiah 18:3-6

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity." Jeremiah 29:11-14

How exciting. God is so great! Who knew I would ever be so jazzed about His Word!?!

Praise God!

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-e

Knowing, I'm on the way to Freedom

“ To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32)

Something struck me with this "too-familiar" saying when I read it this morning. We tend to define "truth" so limitedly. We think we need to know the facts about God, about His Word, about Christian living. But, do you think when Jesus says, 'you will know the truth and the truth will set you free," he was actually simply referring to himself as "truth?" As in, "I am the way, the truth, and the life..." So I checked out a commentary, and sure enough... that is pretty much their take, too. What appeals to me in this explanation is that we are given an answer to "how do I know Jesus aka Truth?" By holding to the teachings of Jesus. It is also much more simpler than having to have a PhD in Theology in order to really feel like you "know the truth."

I am also struck with the differentiation between "believing" Jesus and "knowing" Jesus. We can believe, but not necessarily know him, as I did for many years. I became a Christian in Jr. High and believed Jesus, but knowing Him is something I am working on daily. Well, it is something I wish I worked on daily. (This blogging assignment is certainly helping tremendously toward that end!)

Here's another cool thing I saw in this today:
This verse seems to practically lay out the Christian journey:

Step one: Believe Jesus ("who had believed in him")

Step two: Study and apply the things Jesus said. ("If you hold to my teachings, you are really my disciple")

Step three: Be building a loving relationship with God. ("Then you will know the truth")

Step four: Have eternal life, victory over sin and death, all that you need for holy living. ("the truth will set you free.")

I think that is pretty cool. And encouraging. I am on the right path. I am pursing knowing Jesus and I am experiencing more and more freedom. Freedom from what? Myself really. As my dear friend and I were chatting about today, we all carry with us a shadow of ourselves - I would define this shadow as our sinful selves and the self that listens to the voice of the Enemy instead of God. The more and more we turn to Jesus, apply his teachings and know Him, the more we will recognize when it is our "shadow-self" speaking and have the power to be free from the falsehoods it proclaims. That's a freedom I want!

Lastly, I keep looking at the word "know." Here's all the potential meanings from the original Greek word:

1) to learn to know, come to know, get a knowledge of perceive, feel

2) to know, understand, perceive, have knowledge of

3) Jewish idiom for sexual intercourse between a man and a woman

4) to become acquainted with, to know

This shows me what I hoped it would, because as I was looking at this I was thinking of what it is like to know our spouse or a close friend. When we know someone closely, we can anticipate their reactions to things, we can trust them, we can tell what they are thinking (sometimes!), we can know what they need from us and how to serve them best, we know what makes them happy, sad, frustrated or joyful...

This is very motivating for me to pursuing "knowing the truth." I so want to know Jesus like this! I also am grateful that, just as I will never have David so figured out so as to risk getting bored or thinking I "know it all," I don't have to have Jesus all figured out either. And, I will never get bored trying! Wow... that really is freeing! See? It works!