Loving Others Loves God (or Loving God Loves Others)

OK, so now, not only do the versus from day to day relate to one another, they build upon one another and make me contradict myself:

“If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.” (1 John 4:20-21)

I believe it was just yesterday that I was saying I can be reconciled to God no problem, it's people that I can't stand? (I paraphrase) Apparently, if I can't stand people, I can't stand God. If that isn't a direct hit to the gut, I don't know what is.

Wow, does this verse puzzle me... it doesn't say we don't love God, it says we can't. We are unable to love God if we don't love others. How can this be?! God is good. God is just. God is loving. God is merciful. God is beautiful. God is without sin. So, umm, helloooo??? Doesn't it seem entirely likely to love someone like that (whether we can see him or not) regardless of whether or not we love people? People are mean, unfair, hateful, oppressive, and ugly (I don't mean physically). People sin.

I just don't get it. I can not love God if I don't love people. I am going to wrestle with this one. I really am. It must be about seeing others the way God sees them. But how do we see beyond all our sinful natures to see what God sees? In order to love another person I have to get past not only my own crud, but their crud as well? Hoo-boy. How do we love the unlovable? ...Flowing through my head right now are all these cute catch-phrases to answer this question: "by the Spirit," "with prayer," "it's not us, it's God through us"...

Gag. Sorry, folks... but seriously. Gag. The answer for me must be found by going deeper than that. My devotional today, on a different verse, yet totally the same message (coincidence??!) stated, "Truly, if our love for God is genuine, it cannot help but flow into a love for people. "

So, which comes first??? Our love for God, or our love for people? We can't love God if we don't love people, we can't love people without genuine love for God. Hmph. I am totally stumped.

For me, I really hope it is that loving God helps me to love people, otherwise... I might be in big trouble.

Reconcile This!

“that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God.” (2 Corinthians 5:19-20)

You know, reconciliation with God is not where I have the problem... it is being reconciled with one another that gets me. I just spent a mere 1hr and a half (short, but it felt VERY long) in a meeting where attitudes were flying (including my own) and people were behaving abhorrently (including me). Now I sit here, STEAMING MAD, trying to have God's word speak to me into my life and the theme is "reconciliation??!!" Agh! The audacity of God, sometimes! (Was that blasphemous?!)

The irony is the group I was with is pretty much my only "specifically non-Christian" group (well half are, half aren't). The reason this is ironic is because I have always said that "evangelism" is SO not my thing. It really isn't. It's not that I don't love people (well, I am capable of it when the Spirit intervenes), or that I don't believe in the concept of evangelism - I am totally psyched that there are folks out there with that gift. So I am in this group, in part, to get myself "out there," so to speak. And right now, all I want to do is quit. Which sure doesn't fit in with the definition of being reconciled. Get a load of this:

To Reconcile:

1.	to win over to friendliness; cause to become amicable: to reconcile hostile persons.

2.	to compose or settle (a quarrel, dispute, etc.).

3.	to bring into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent: to reconcile differing statements; to reconcile accounts.

Seriously, if I weren't so flipping annoyed right now, I would find this irony hilarious.

OK, OK, OK...So... How is it I am to be Christ's ambassador in this situation?? [sigh] Great. Just great. I get to humble myself and apologize first, and perhaps be the only one who does so and be okay with that. Grrr....

It is late. I am exhausted and finally coming down from the adrenalin high this meeting got me into. I need to pray this through. The Serentity Prayer sure seems like a good place to start:

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the thinks I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen.

I know I am totally copping out on an indepth entry today, just getting this down was a challenge today. Thank God for a new day tomorrow.

Everybody in the Body

“ You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:26-28)

Woo boy. Hold on to your hats for this one ladies and gentlemen, because Erin's about to go off on y'all.

The church is really seriously messing up on this one. We get caught up in another verse, found in 1 Corinthian 14 which states women are to keep silent in church. Seems to be a contradiction. Before I get into clarifying how it really isn't, let me just point out that even if it were contradictory, I find it interesting that the culture continues to place the words found in one book of the Bible over the words found in another book of the Bible. We cannot decide that the words of 1st Corinthians are more valid, more important, or more worthy of following than the words found in Galations. Yet, for centuries, this is exactly what the church has done.

So then, how do we marry these versus? The directive to the church in Corinth was not about women being in minsitry leadership. It was about women who were bringing into the Christian assembly practices which were pagan in origin and involved loud cries and disruptive behavior. This is why understanding historical context is such a biggy to me when we read Scripture. Knowing this, I can wholeheartedly agree that women should keep silent in the pew (so should men) and that no one should detract worshipers from the purpose of gathering together for instruction in the Word and corporate prayer and praise.

That being the case, we simply MUST revisit our position regarding women in leadership within our churches and organizations. As the Intervarsity Press Commentary (from www.biblegateway.com) states:

All racial, economic and gender barriers and all other inequalities are removed in Christ. The equality and unity of all in Christ are not an addition, a tangent or an optional application of the gospel. They are part of the essence of the gospel.

Equality in Christ is the starting point for all truly biblical social ethics. The church that does not express this equality and unity in Christ in its life and ministry is not faithful to the gospel. .. any expression of social class superiority (the free over the slaves) or gender superiority (men over women) violates the truth of the gospel. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus (v. 28). All the divisions and prejudices that matter so much in the world are abolished in Christ.

When men exclude women from significant participation in the life and ministry of the church, they negate the essence of the gospel. Some will argue that the equality Paul defends here is only in the "spiritual" sphere: equality before God. But Paul's argument responds to a social crisis in the church: Gentiles were being forced to become Jews to be fully accepted by Jewish Christians. Paul's argument is that Gentiles do not have to become Jews to participate fully in the life of the church. Neither do blacks have to become white or females become male for full participation in the life and ministry of the church.

The equality of all believers before God must be demonstrated in social relationships within the church if the truth of the gospel is to be expressed.

I can't say it much better than that.

Moving On

“In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” (Psalm 118:5-6)

You are entering into a conversation which began this morning, around 4:05 AM. Well, actually it is a conversation that has continued off and on for the past 8 years. But in this specific moment, this verse is actually a pretty direct answer to my frustration I was hashing out with God last night.

If you've been around me the past decade you know I have struggled with infertility through most of it. Initially, it wasn't long before David and I shifted gears from the medical establishment to the legal one and chose the adoption route. Twenty-one months later Vivi was born, with no medical intervention and no hard-core "intentionality" on our part.

This March, it will be four years since she then and 2 rounds of hormone treatments, one round of IUI, and about six months of acupuncture treatments later and apparently, I still have issues.

At this point I vascillate between being very content with the idea of no more diapers or having to break down and buy the dreaded mini-van versus hating my body for not cooperating with my life-long dream of being surrounded by a truck-load of children and grandchildren. I think if it weren't for the daily reminder of a reproductive system on the fritz, I would probably find contentment with the beautiful family God has blessed me with. But, unfortunately the female human body is designed with constant flags and signals to let you know what it is (or isn't) doing. So, there I was at 4AM, my mind uncapable of shutting down, as is often the case, and I found myself going over the past week or so, questioning this signal and that flag and wondering, "could it be? Maybe this time I am?..." The way I figure it, minus the 15 or so months of pregancy and lactation with Vivi, I have experienced this conversation with God now about 82 times.

And I am sick of it.

And that's exactly what I told God roughly 15 hours ago. In my anguish, I cried out to the Lord, "Please, I don't want this anymore. I want what You want for me. Take the desires of my heart. I don't want them anymore. I want the desires of Your heart instead. I am tired of feeling like I am fighting the same battle month after month. I am tired of being resentful of every pregnancy I hear about. I am tired of not being content enough with what You have already blessed me with. I am tired of wanting anything other than what You, God, want for me."

Now, I sit...waiting to be "set free." I am hopeful, and for now, that's enough for me.

** Please, consider not replying. I have found, over the past 8+ years, even when people have the best of intentions, their words of comfort in this regard come back hollow or even really harsh. I welcome your prayers for God to truly set me free from this longing. I don't want it anymore and would love to feel I have moved on. It is comfort enough to know someone else "cries out in anguish" with me. May God bless you.

KISS - Keep It Simply the Spirit

“But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy.” (1 Peter 1:15-16)

The message of this verse makes me think of Ti's comment from a couple posts ago about how simple our faith is and how we get caught up in so much junk trying to work out our faith. Basically, doesn't really boil down to this verse? Be holy.

Certainly makes it sounds pretty stinking easy, doesn't it? Well....isn't it? I mean, if I apply what I have said in previous entries, God isn't going to ask us to be something we aren't capable of being. He isn't going to require we do something we aren't able to do.

Or is He?

I remember hearing somewhere that the Law from the OT was given by God, with Him knowing full well the Israelites weren't capable of keeping it. In doing so, He was setting the stage for Jesus to come, so as to fulfill the Law and grant us acess to the Father through Him.

Which leads me to believe our faith isn't really about being humble, acting justly, loving mercy, or even being holy - but it is really about being filled with the Spirit of Christ. "Apart from me, you can do nothing," Jesus said. "I am the vine, you are the branches.." Everything we strive to do is in vain if we are doing it of our own power or our own strength.

I know this is stuff we have all heard before... but think about it. Did any of us just make New Year's resolutions? Mine are the same every year. Why is that? Because every flipping year I FAIL at keeping them! Hrumph! This year I didn't make any because I was too annoyed at my lack of originality. Here I go again, same ol' issues, different year.

Not this year. This year I resolve to do one thing and one thing only. I vow (which is a really scary thing to do with God - look at how he makes vows in the OT, it usually involved the death of a lot of animals) I VOW (gulp) to utter one statement (or a variation of this one statement) EVERY DAY, at least once a day:

Lord, Fill Me with Your Spirit.

There. The ball's in His court now. I will let Him deal with the other items on my resolution list this year. For all I know, He doesn't give two hoots about any of them and will actually bring along something NEW and DIFFERENT for me to work through. Won't that be fun!

I've just placed a post-it on my desk with this phrase. If I have to, I will plaster them all over this house. God, let me be able to keep it simple and just ask for your Spirit. Why? Because with God, ALL things are possible! (Even those pesky resolutions!)

Where's My Investment Headed?

“ "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:19-21)

I love this verse. Love, love LOVE it. One of my favorites. Maybe because it makes me feel better about not having the latest and greatest of everything! Seriously though, it is just such a great verse. It reminds me how much I love the notion of living simply, of not consuming so much, and of attempting to be less materialistic.

I feel, even though there is DEFINITELY room for improvement, I do these things well. Even though we have a lot of stuff, I work hard at not claiming ownership over any of it, and try hard to use what I have to meet the needs of others every chance I get. And, as many of my friends can attest, I go through a minor crisis every time we take on a new house project for fear that I am displaying bad stewardship in investing in "environmental beautification" (a.k.a. interior decorating and landscaping) instead of feeding the hungry, or buying Bibles for Wycliff or what have you. It is a major challenge for me to walk that fine line and I agonize about making the best choice.

But a very different question popped into my mind concerning this verse today. I want to throw it out to anyone who's reading to help me come up with an answer. "Do you think our relationships here on earth are earthly treasures or heavenly ones?" The reason I ask is, when I think about where my heart is, I really believe it is in my relationships with other people. That's what gets the majority of my time, energy, thought, and emotion. So I am trying to determine if this is a problem. I think to the extent that I prefer my earthly relationships over the heavenly One (with the Trinity) I am in trouble... which is certainly a possibility. Here's my challenge - God made me an extrovert. Therefore, I refuel by being in relationship with other people. Cloistering myself in a room with a Bible and a journal doesn't recharge me at all. It actually is draining for me, unless I know I'm doing that as preparation for discussion with others. So I have a difficult time knowing when and if I have my relationship with God and my relationship with others in the wrong order of priority.

I want to be sure my "storage efforts" are being put into eternity. I can't help but think that if my passion is relating to others, than I am, by virtue of us all having an eternal soul, investing in the right property. Let's hope so... or let's at least hope God will reveal to me where I have this one all wrong.

Not for Me

“Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the LORD God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is. Hate evil, love good; maintain justice in the courts. Perhaps the LORD God Almighty will have mercy on the remnant of Joseph.” (Amos 5:14-15)

It is 10:14 pm. This is probably the 20th time today that I have sat down to write this. I am feeling like these "random" verses (David says they aren't random) are having too much in common and making me feel redundant. I am having a reaction to this one that sounds like this:
"Yeah, yeah... I got it. Hate evil, love good. Stop doing evil. Start doing good. God loves you. Great."

Honestly, what struck me when I read this was much more of a personal message from the Spirit prompting me to be on my face before the throne interceding for dear friends of mine who desperately need His provision right now. To elaborate wouldn't be honoring them, so I have struggled to figure out what to write about all day.

So, even though it is late, I urge you today to take time to intercede on behalf of someone else. We all have so many needs, so many areas needing the touch of God. Let's forget our own today and focus on someone else.

Lord - I need for nothing. And that is 100% because of you. Please, in the same way you have worked in my life, work in the lives of those I love. Provide for us all we need and help us to redefine "need" in a way that Honors You. Help us to believe that less is more. Help us to embrace simplicity. Help us to live as the early Church - selling our possessions and sharing with one another according to the needs of each one. Show me where I need to do this and how I can serve these people I love so dearly. God, thank you that you did not place me in relationship with you in a vacuum, devoid of brothers and sisters in Christ. I am so blessed. Use me, Lord, to bless others.
Amen.