An Empty Room, A Full Bucket

We have an empty room in our home. It has been empty for two months now. Every time I walk by it, the emptiness catches me off guard, a hollow echoing sound bouncing off the walls.

We have a full bucket in our budget. Full to overflowing. Every time we discuss our finances, it's fullness feels heavier and heavier to me.

Both are teaching me about waiting upon the Lord. One for Him to Fill, the other for Him to Empty. What do you do when you want so desperately to be used by God, but aren't sure how He wants to use you?

You wait.

Something I don't do too well. I guess I should be grateful for the practice. But I fear so much in the waiting. I fear I will get too distracted to hear God when he leads. I fear I won't recognize His voice. I fear I will get selfish in the mean time. I fear I will take matters into my own hands and fill the room with something or someone God doesn't want there; and empty the bucket into a vessel it isn't intended for.

There are just way too many options on how to do go about things all wrong and only one way to go about them all right, and as I wait, the law of averages, statistics and probability start to freak me out. I am convinced the faster God moves, the fewer the opportunities for me to screw it up.

But, this time, come hell or high water, I will not move until I know it's God. I have a feeling this might take a while. I'm willing myself to be willing to wait.

Shutting off, tuning out

I have successfully managed to utterly fail at pretty much every Lenten observance I had decided upon. I felt so uninspired going into Lent, it is no wonder I am not fairing well with my goals. I am wondering now what God would have me do

Honestly, I am on Spiritual Auto Pilot once again, I fear. Going through the motions of my Bible Study and barely giving God a second thought beyond that.

Which brings me to my newest attempt at getting it right - I am going hard core with my fast from the computer & TV. NO more blogging, checking email, shopping online, etc until after Lent is over. I will get online to do my work - nothing more. Maybe, just maybe I will get bored enough to read the Bible or something crazy like that. We'll see.

Talk to you on Easter or thereabouts.

Erin

Uninspired Ramblings

I am marveling at how un-Lentish life feels to me so far this season... we have all been struggling with sickness - Vivi especially, and that has caused every single day to feel like a Sabbath day - which, maybe means it has actually been a lot more like Lent than I have realized! But in all this hanging around doing a lot of nothing I have only been more aware of my own state of restlessness. As much as I say I worship the god of Leisure, I think I am bored to easily for this to be all that true of me. Too much down time makes my brain totally shut down. So, here I sit, with nothing to say because we have done a whole lot of nothing lately...

Reflections on Ashes and Kids

The children and I attended an Ash Wednesday service yesterday at St. Mary's Catholic Church. It was lovely. I don't know what it is about Catholic mass, but it moves me to tears almost every time. Something in the beautiful reverence for our God that I fear is missing in most protestant environments, I guess. Anyway, the priest called us to a time of prayer, fasting and alms giving - the traditional 3-fold Lenten experience. Then we all got in line to receive the ashes. I was so moved. When the lay minister placed an ashen cross on the foreheads of my children and recited "Remember from dust you were formed and to dust you shall return," I just lost it.

My GOD! What a God we serve - Glory Be that we can say, with the utmost confidence that WE WILL NOT RETURN TO DUST but live eternally with our RISEN LORD. Glory HALLELUJAH! Oh my goodness, I am just busting with that truth. It was all I could do not to stand up and shout from the pew this profound truth.

Phew... I also got to thinking about how I could get the kids more on board with this Lent Thing, because they definitely did not get what that service was all about. SO - We are going to make a paper chain with 40 links and on each link will be something we give up for that day or do that day to help us prepare for Easter.

I'm off to Bible study now. I wish I had time just now to go into the AMAZING things God is showing me through this study of Esther. Maybe tomorrow. Until then -

Today's The Day!

Happy Ash Wednesday!
I think that might be an oxymoron, actually. Ash Wednesday is not really meant to be a day of rejoicing, but a day of mourning. We mourn our sinful natures and our evil ways. We grieve because we have grieved God. As ashes in the shape of the cross are bestowed upon the forehead, in many traditions the following words are spoken over the penitent:

Remember, O man, that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return. (Latin: Memento homo, quia pulvis es, et in pulverem reverteris.)

—Genesis 3:19

Turn away from sin and be faithful to the Gospel.

—Mark 1:15

Repent, and hear the good news.

—Mark 1:15

Today is to be a day of reflection upon the things we do which displease God. Not exactly uplifting. But 40 days from today is the awe-some moment when we realize our freedom from these actions/habits/sins and embrace the Risen Christ. I have goosebumps.

I believe in the value of spending this day in mourning. I believe in the value of spending 40 days renouncing these things. What a way to build up glorious anticipation for the resurrection!

The next forty days hold some exciting things for me:

• Blogging everyday again! I gave up Spiritual Reflection as soon as I gave up blogging... so lesson learned and I will be at it once again, but in a new way.
• Limiting sugar and electronic devices. - I am setting the stage for Holy Week, when my entire family will join me in this one - No TV for a week should probably be the end of Vivi.
• Practicing Intentional (not random) Acts of Kindness. - More on this later, but this is in an effort to displace the "Mean Girl" in me.
• Exercising 2x a week. Sounds ridiculous, only TWO times?! But if manage to faithfully do this, it will be by the grace of God.

In these practices I attempted to impact the four aspects of my life: Spiritual (blogging and kindness acts), Mental (ALL), Physical (diet and exercise), and Emotional (ALL) in an effort to recognize that ALL four of these areas of my life need to be cleansed and released from bad habits and the negative impact of sin. May the next forty days be a journey towards wholeness, but more importantly towards holiness.

One Week Warning!

Ash Wednesday is one week away. On most Christian calendars this marks the beginning of Lent. Wikipedia has a lot of information about the season of Lent and I include a small portion of that here:

There are traditionally forty days in Lent which are marked by fasting, both from foods and festivities, and by other acts of penance. The three traditional practices to be taken up with renewed vigour during Lent are prayer (justice towards God), fasting (justice towards self), and almsgiving (justice towards neighbour). Today, some people give up a vice of theirs, add something that will bring them closer to God, and often give the time or money spent doing that to charitable purposes or organizations.

I really like the 3-level approach to Lent offered here. I will be prayerfully considering what my specific practices will be and wanted to encourage anyone to join me in a great historical tradition of celebrating Lent this year in this manor. Please consider sharing your 3 practices with me via this blog so we can all benefit from each other's ideas and encourage one another in the next 47+ days!

As soon as I have nailed down my choices for my Lent observance, I will share them with you all!

40*

“For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love.” (Psalm 33:4-5)

What a great statement to end my 40 Days of Blogging! Seems the perfect sorta verse to commit to memory for those times when I lose hope. God is so faithful - in all he does. Which is so flipping impressive when you think about it. It took a small miracle for me to remain faithful to my commitment to blog for 40 days straight. There were days when I did it out of a sense of obligation, there were times when I avoided it until the last minute, when I didn't feel like doing it, when I struggled to have anything to say. Yet I remained faithful, to a degree.

But with God, there are no degrees of his faithfulness. He is Completely Faithful. All the Time. Which means, he never "doesn't feel like it," or performs out of obligation or a sense of duty or looks at anything with a sense of drudgery or dullness. Hah! God is never bored! God never just goes through the motions. His heart is always in what he does, as evidenced by a world that is full of his unfailing love.

What an amazing quality of God. It inspires awe in me. Sometimes, I imagine him having a bit of that "oh brother, here we go again" attitude about me, but he simply doesn't. His faithfulness to me and my relationship with Him is never ending and never forced upon himself. He willingly has infinite patience, infinite grace, and infinite mercy - loving me without attitude. Gosh. Sorta makes me feel sorry for the days when I struggled to spend time reflecting on His word. Sorta humbles me a bit. Sorta makes me feel I owe Him and apology.

Not sure what I will do from here, now that my 40 days are up - but I am certain I will be posting far more frequently than I used to from here on out! Perhaps not every day, mind you, but often. It will be interesting to see how my attitude changes in response to my daily Verse of the Day Emails. Gosh, I hope it does. Time will tell, I guess...time will tell.

* Yes I do intentionally refer to U2's song here, on Day 40...
I waited patiently for the Lord. He inclined and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit, out of the miry clay.

I will sing, sing a new song. I will sing, sing a new song.

How long to sing this song? How long to sing this song? How long...how long...how long...how long...to sing this song

He set my feet upon a rock and made my footsteps firm. Many will see, many will see and fear.

I will sing, sing a new song. I will sing, sing a new song.

How long to sing this song? How long to sing this song? How long...how long...how long...how long...to sing this song